Well there’s your problem!

As you may know, we recently acquired a cute little puppy named Zoey.

Zoey is a great little girl dog, has proven she’s extremely smart (by trying to hide stuff behind her back no less) and very loyal (one night, I was upset about something, and she came over to nuzzle me…awww…)

But we’ve had one problem with our fuzzy girl – and it happens every morning about 5:30 – 6 am.

bark.

Bark.

BarK.

BARK.

whine.

bark.

Bark. BARK! Bark. BARK! Bark. Whine whine whine BARK! BARK! BARK!

Cursing. Stomping downstairs. Letting puppy out to go potty. Cursing some more.

We’ve tried to find ways to alleviate these early morning wake up and take the dog out for a potty break episodes. Food and water dishes don’t get refilled after 6 pm. Josh has tried playing with her and keeping her away until at least 11 pm. We’ve taken her for long walks after 9 pm.

And still…

Bark BARK bark Bark BARK

We were getting seriously cranky around here. Because when you’re staying up late to try to make a certain puppy tired, only for puppy to wake up at the crack of stupid every morning…well…you end up with two cranky adults cussing out a certain otherwise lovable puppy. The thing was – we knew she could hold it for more than five hours. A couple of weeks ago, Josh was out of town and I ended up falling asleep on the couch watching a movie. That dog stayed happily in her kennel from 10 pm to 7:30 am without a single bark or whine.

So why? Why could she not do this every other day?

And then…yesterday morning… I wake up at the usual 7 am time (after listening to bark BARK bark BARK, elbowing Josh, who got up muttering very bad words about the puppy and going downstairs to deal with her, allowing me to go back to sleep for another 45 minutes) and I hear Josh talking to Collin.

The father/son heart-to-heart went something like this -

“Oh for God’s sake! If you’re up at 6 am, let the damn dog out so she doesn’t sit in her kennel barking! Sean! Get in here! You need to hear this too!”

Yes, it turns out that the problem was NOT the puppy, but the boys – who are getting up earlier than their sleep-deprived parents, going downstairs at 6 am, fixing bowls of cereal and lunches, taunting the dog with the fact that there were humans with opposable thumbs who could open her cage and let her out but wouldn’t – instead, leaving her to cry yellow tears and cross her fuzzy little hind legs as they went along their merry ways back to their rooms to get dressed and ready for school. And after they abandoned her in her time of need, she’d start calling for help – because once awake, she felt the need to go.

This morning however, there was no barking. Some boy listened to their parents pleas of “Just let the poor dog out so she doesn’t bark us awake!” and let the puppy out of her kennel and outside to relieve herself.

Of course, I woke up at 7 am to Miriam talking to Sean and Maura at my bedroom door and thought “Odd, everyone is up.” (Usually, the girls need a cattle prod to get out of bed.)

Turns out we need another rule – if you let the dog out at 6 am, you either need to keep an eye on her, or put puppy love back in her kennel. Or else she will go up to the girls room and lick their faces until one or both of them gets up.

Oh well, I don’t care. I didn’t wake up to barking this morning! Here’s to more mornings being bark-free.

She's cute when she's not barking at 6 am

Jan 3 2012

My theory on Dora the Explorer

I have watched a lot of Nick Jr. in my adulthood. Maybe too much. Case in point – I’ve been watching Blue’s Clues for 15 years (but just the Steve version, no one really ever cared for Joe, not even Maura.)

While I love Steve and Blue and their crazy cast of characters, there were other Nick Jr. shows that made me want to take an ice pick to my ear. Like Dora. Dora the Explorer, with her “Say it LOUDER” and the stupid repetitive songs that someone actually got paid to write (think about it – someone got paid to write “I’m the Map, I’m the Map, I’m the Map, I’m the Map, I’m the MAP!” – nauseating, isn’t it?) But I put up with it because it did guarantee me 22 minutes of peace, and then Maura actually did start answering Dora’s questions, so I was stuck.

For years, I’d watch her and her monkey traipse about jungles, managing to avoid the anacondas that might eat a small girl and her monkey, or quicksand that would muffle her very loud voice as it swallowed her whole. At one point, I decided that even Dora’s own mother couldn’t stand her – why else would she allow her young daughter to go into the jungle full of danger?

But one day, while discussing Dora with a group of other special needs parents, the truth became clear to all of us. Dora was a special needs child! All the clues were there, if you only knew where to look.

Her giant head? Caused by hydrocephalus.

The reason she talks loudly? Why, she has a hearing problem of course, maybe even a speech problem where she can’t control the volume of her voice.

The fact that she can’t remember what Map just told her three time? Classic ADHD.

Boots the Monkey? Is her service animal, to help guide her.

The bracelet she wears? Why, it’s a medical alert bracelet of course!

So next time you’re watching Dora, don’t be too harsh on her. She’s a special girl who can’t help being the way she is

Dedicated to my sweet friend Claudia, who upon hearing my theory, insisted I share it with the world!

Dec 31 2011

I am so grateful that…

…my older three kids are so darn self-sufficient and capable. Because this mama isn’t going to work properly today.

It started at 3 am, when I suddenly sat up and realized there was a girl in the doorway. Maura. Oy. So I told her to hop into the bed and she did…and I realized her shirt was wet. Her pull up had leaked.

sigh.

Of course, by the time I got her changed and dry, she was WIDE awake. And happy! Of course she was happy, she had slept for six hours. Me? I had stayed up late to watch “The Others” and so had an hour of sleep to work on. So I turned on a movie I thought would be appropriately boring for her – “The Slipper and the Rose” – and hoped she’d go back to sleep soon.

She didn’t. Turns out she thought the movie was great! She laughed and giggled and kicked the blankets off us, and laughed some more while poking me to make sure I was paying attention to. Or, she poked me because she realized I had dozed off and couldn’t have any of that.

I did think about shoving her lovingly back into her bed, but the idea of having to change all the bedding at that time just didn’t seem worth it. I thought that certainly, she would eventually go back to sleep.

At 6 am, I reevaluated that thought process, as Maura was poking me and asking for another show to be put on. I refused. So she laid there in bed next to me, grinning a little, whispering loudly and laughing hysterically over whatever it was she was thinking about.

Then at one point, I realized how slightly creepy that was. Probably because I had watched “The Others” – but who was she whispering to anyway? And what was so funny? And WHEN did she learn how to whisper like that? However, tired sensibilities won out at that moment – if there was some strange other-worldly creature she was trading jokes with in my room, I didn’t care enough to want to know about it at that point. I told her to go to sleep. She quieted down. Eventually she let me go to sleep.

Two hours later, Josh came in (he was having his own fun-filled night – in the process of making Maura drier, we woke up the puppy). I sat up, mumbled something, and hit the pillow again. Finally did get up for the day, feeling not so refreshed.

And now? I’m having coffee and Advil. Maura helped herself to a mug of Coke and is now bouncing between “way too perky” and “meltdown mode”.

We’ll see if we manage to stay up until midnight to ring in the new year.

Oct 4 2011

Coffee please!

I would like to thank Starbucks for their little Via packets of instant coffee. We don’t own a coffee maker, though we do own a ~~coffee~~ French press. But I’ve yet to wrangle that thing, so I just get the Starbuck’s Via Italian Roast and am a happy camper in the mornings.

Oh sure, it’s not great coffee. But I’m not a great coffee drinker. And I put enough milk into it that it barely qualifies as coffee as is.

But this morning, I’m very grateful for those little coffee packets. Because yesterday was a helluva day and today started early and has kept me on my toes.

I think the problem was that I had a plan. A whole gameplan for my day. Get up, get kids off to school. Have coffee and check Facebook, then run a couple errands. All of that went good. Got home, had lunch, changed into cleaning clothes, cranked up music and went to clean the house.

This is where it all started to go wrong.

As I got started, hanging out wash to dry, I heard the phone ring. Now, very rarely does anyone call me, usually it’s a school, so I sprinted through the yard, through the house, grabbed the phone to hear “Hi Phoebe, this is the principal over at St. Michael’s House…”

Crap. Maura’s school.

Maura had a seizure…though not what the common man would consider a seizure. But the staff at school were savvy enough to notice the aftermath signs, got out her chart, read notes I gave them and realized that her sudden sleepiness and limpness meant she probably had a seizure. Maura has what’s called “complex partial seizures” – so she can go into what is traditionally called a grand mal seizure (falling over, shaking about, out of consciousness)…or she could have a partial seizure – which means only part of her seizes. Could be as simple as her thumb twitching. One time it was actually just her legs contorting. She also probably has absence seizures, which means she looks spaced out but then comes back into reality.

Anyway, I told the principal we’d be there asap, then called Josh, who borrowed a car from a co-worker (seriously, I love Microsoft guys!) and picked me up. We got to the school and they brought Maura to us. Happy, but tired and limp Maura. The staff all took the time to hear us explain the whole complex partial seizure, and when we pointed out sometimes she’ll go slack-faced, they said “Oh yes! That’s what she was doing!” Kudos to them for picking up that she wasn’t right even while she was asking to go outside to play with the rest of the class.

So we bundled her off home, though on the drive home, I turned and found her doing this weird blinky thing with her eyes. I asked her if her head was okay and she said “No.” Poor kid. Once home, we tucked her in on the couch, took her temperature (99+) and turned on My Little Pony and Spongebob and other mind-numbing shows that make her giggle.

At this point I’ve realized I’m supposed to host knit club in a few hours. Crap. So I called up one of the group, explained why I had to back out, while Josh was saying “Well, you could probably still go if you want.”

But then Maura threw up. I missed out on that (Thank you God.) Poor Miriam didn’t. She came flying out of the living room, desperately looking for the bucket. Josh cleaned it all up while Miriam and I ~~hid~~ hung out in another room.

I was very glad at that point I cancelled on knit group. They all have kids. I wouldn’t want to spread a stomach bug if that’s what Maura had. Though I wondered if part of it was she drank the yogurt drink from the morning that she’d rejected but was still on the counter (ew.)

Finally, things began to settle down. Maura fell asleep finally and we carried her up to bed.

At about 5 am this morning, our bedroom door opened. Hello Maura. Josh took one look at her there, grabbed his blanket and headed downstairs to the guest room. Smart man. Why should we both suffer the knees and elbows of Maura? Of course, Maura was WIDE AWAKE at this point, having gotten her 10 hours of sleep. Me? Not so much. I dozed through a variety of cartoons while Maura elbowed me, burrowed her sharp toenails into my legs and asked for Spongebob (which was on thank goodness) and water. Eventually I gave up and took her downstairs and made my cup of Starbucks Via Italian Roast.

Only to discover we were out of milk.

sigh.

So I went to the corner market and got milk. I was not facing today without coffee.

Meanwhile, Maura’s still all shiny happy perky, has eaten enough to make up for yesterday’s lack of meals, has dumped milk in two different rooms, was writing with a Sharpie (on paper at least) and tried to steal my lunch.

I’m on coffee #2. Yes. This is a good day for coffee.

Aug 26 2011

Back to School – Irish style

You know, in the past, I never really made a huge fuss over back to school shopping. Our district always supplied supplies, so I didn’t need to buy paper or pencils or folders even. I let the kids pick out backpacks and lunchboxes, maybe a new outfit, some new gym shoes if need be. That was about it.

And then we moved here.

I’m trying to console myself with facts like “Hey, my kids are going to the US equivalent of private schools and we don’t have to pay tuition.” and “I won’t have to buy a fall wardrobe for each kid.” and “Thank God I don’t have a booklist for Maura too!”

There are two key elements to Irish back-to-school shopping – the Booklist and the Uniform List. Let me start with the latter.

The Uniform is a key element in Irish schooling. Very rare it seems are the non-uniformed schools, at least in Dublin. Everywhere you go, there will be kids in jumpers or track suits, slouchy knee highs and ties askew.

I will admit to making Harry Potter jokes. Especially with my boys uniforms. They’d be Gryffindor according to the stripes on their sweaters.

This is the Junior Uniform List for the boys college (aka secondary school – think kind of like high school) -

School sweater (meaning one with a crest embroidered on it as opposed to a generic one)

Grey Shirt

Grey Trousers

School Tie

School Jacket

Black School Shoes

Sport Shorts

Polo Shirt

Sports Socks

Tracksuit

School Jersey (an optional item)

The total cost for Collin’s uniform (all of the above) = 300 euros.

Yeah.

ouch.

Now, I sort of have it lucky as Maura doesn’t have to wear a uniform. However, she wants to wear one. I figured out that uniform pieces at Marks and Spencer’s were cheaper than regular old clothes…so I bought her a few to mix in with stuff we already own. She’s thrilled, I don’t have to think about clothes for a while.

Sean had to be fully kitted out for this fall, as he’s starting secondary school. So Josh dealt with that. In a way, it’s one-stop shopping – only one store carries the stuff.

But then, I had to deal with The Booklist.

Yes, here, you buy your own textbooks. The school provides jack squat. It took me back to college days…going into a bookstore…scouting for the right texts…spending way too much money…ah…good times…

Today I went on the Great Book Hunt. The hardest part would be getting it all home, and the one bookstore I’m familiar with would be a bus ride at least. But then, I realized, there was one right off the Luas stop. I could hop on the train, see what books they had, ride the train home. This could work.

I was worried that I was the only last-minute mom there. I shouldn’t have worried. Instead, I was grateful I got there before the line got too long. I handed over my booklists and the clerk started picking off stuff from shelves, checking off what they had, marking what they didn’t. Impressively, I got all but two books and two dictionaries there. However, I had a big stack of stuff there. He got me a box. It was heavy. Then I walked outside and it started raining.

sigh.

Luckily, I was right by the train, so I made it to the Luas stop and called Sean. “Meet me at the Luas stop, and bring a really big backpack.” Then I rode the train to our local stop, met Sean, managed to fit all the books into the backpack, sent him on his way and got back on the train to do Part Two of the Booklist -

The School Supplies.

Copy books, A4 binders, plastic covers and sheets and pens and maths sets and colouring pencils and a calculator. Oh my! I walked into Easons, one of the stores that carry school supplies and found the check out line to be winding around the store.

Oh dear.

The store was a mess of mums, all on the same trip as me. To search out and claim for their own all the right items. Copy books with the appropriate amount of pages. Business Ledger 1 (as oppposed to 2 or 3. ) The correct calculator. Then once it is all gathered, make your way to the check out without your kids piling on extras, like backpacks or pencil cases.

I got lucky. The dictionaries I needed were at the store. As were all the necessary supplies. I think. I’m hoping I got the correct copy books for the right classes. But I got all that I thought was right, and by the time I was ready to check out, the line had dwindled to just three people ahead of me. Score!

And so, we’re all but done. I have two books to find tomorrow at the other book store and then label everything with everyone’s names. And a lock with two keys.

Oddly enough – no one got a new backpack this year. Thank goodness. I don’t think my wallet could handle another expense!

The fruits of my efforts today

Jul 15 2011

Snippets of the day so far…

Imagine Maura, standing at the back door, hair dripping, shirt soaked. It had rained last night.

Me – “Maura, did you put your face in a puddle?”

Maura (with water droplets falling onto her face) – “No.”

Me – “Maura, are you lying?”

Maura – “No.” A moment later – “Hair wet!”

Yes, yes it is dear child who doesn’t know the difference between yes and no.

Later that morning…

I tell Sean to clean out the sink, including the items in the sink. I come back later to find him using the long handled scrub brush on a pan.

Me – “Um Sean, did you use soap?”

Sean, looking confused, holding up the scrub brush – “Well, I’m just using this.”

Me - “Sean, you need to use soap.” Glancing at clear glass pot lid that’s on the drying rack looking not clean. ”Did you use soap on this?”

“No.” Sean grabs container of soap and dumps about a half cup of it into the pan.

Later on, I rewash the items he “cleaned”. And I now know why the dishes never look clean when he does them.

Lunchtime rolls around. Collin asks if he can cook some of the popcorn chicken I got yesterday. I say yes. Ten minutes later he emerges with a plate piled with 57 pieces of popcorn chicken (or so…I didn’t actually count.)

Me, sarcastically – “Gee, is that enough?”

Collin, not sarcastically – “Maybe.”

Miriam comes in from the back yard. ”Mom, there’s a pile of feathers and what looks like part of a bird in the back yard.”

Ack.

Sure enough, there are a pile of feathers, and possibly some bird intestines (which I told Mim was a worm). But what she thought were two red eyeballs looking up at her from the pile of carnage was in actuality two berries from a tree. Which greatly relieved Miriam. But it does look like a bird exploded back there, leaving nothing but a pile of feathers. I’m just grateful there’s no corpse to deal with.

A few minutes ago…suspicious footsteps over my head, coming from my bedroom. Which I’m not in. And the older three know better than to go in. Go up to investigate…it’s empty…but two jars of lotion are on my bed, lids off, and my eye shadow brush is coated in face cream. Maura is now pouting because I “yelled” at her, and then banished her from my room forever.

Sadly, she knows neither what it means to be banished, nor what the word “forever” means. But she gets it when I say “NO!” sternly while shaking a creamy make up brush at her. Sadly, that brush…was a replacement for the one she ruined painting my walls with toilet water.

sigh.

And so my day goes on. The good news is that when the Tesco delivery guy comes with my food order, there are a couple bottles of wine in there. It was on sale. And I’ll have earned a glass of it by the end of this day if things keep going on the way they do.

The funny part? This is just standard normal every day goings on. Well…except maybe the exploding bird part. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to help Maura put her winter gloves on.

Jul 12 2011

Have I told you lately…

…how much I like my older three kids?

Oh, they’re doing their best to drive me absolutely insane. We won’t argue with that fact. But when I look past all the normally stupid things they do, they really are great kids.

Like this past weekend, basically the moment Josh’s flight to L.A. took off, I came down with some intestinal thing. On top of the lovely summer cold that hit me the day before. I won’t go into major details, but stomach cramps and the inability to breathe through my nose didn’t really motivate me to cook a lot. This is where Collin stepped up to the plate. I gave him money, sent him to the store for pasta, and he cooked dinner Saturday night. Oh sure, he burned the pasta sauce (which even surprised him that it could burn – lesson learned, don’t heat it on high.) But it was all done without complaints. He also made sure Maura got fed without me reminding him. And on Sunday, when I still wasn’t myself, he took charge of things again.

Granted, the boy does love to eat so had a personal investment in the whole deal, but the fact that he did it all without complaining gets a gold star.

And Sean, the poor kid becomes our pack mule sometimes. I can send the boys to the store and Sean’s the one hauling the backpack of stuff home. Again, without complaints. He also puts up with Maura constantly hugging him. She loves to hug Sean! Probably because he’ll throw her over one shoulder and haul her up to bed several nights a week. Again, no complaints from him on that.

Miriam hasn’t been a perfect angel, but she will always play with Maura. Maura loves to play outside, and Mim is actually out there right now playing with her. She even made sure Maura was dressed first. She always will include Maura and always will come to her defense. She loves to teach Maura new things…though I may never forgive her for teaching Maura the high pitched girly squeal.

Collin has always been my dependable kid. Even as a baby, he was dependable. Not that the others aren’t, but Collin is that oldest child you wish for – responsible, able to be left in charge, tries to be fair. Sean has always been a duck – easy going, things rolling off his back. He’s always gone with the flow, which is nice as the other three tend to balk at things. And Miriam – well, she’s the girl I could have been. Not that I’m going to relive my life through her. But she’s all spunk and sparkles and reminds me what life was when you were fearless and thought for sure you could in fact be a rock star.

Oh sure, the boys are being slothy teenagers, and have a new bad habit of bickering at each other. And Miriam’s being a little pill these days. But that’s just a narrow vision of who these kids are. That’s just right now. Collin was the 3 year old who threw huge screaming temper tantrums in public. Sean was the two year old who colored every dang wall in our rental place. Miriam was the baby who refused to be put down. They’ve never been perfect kids. But I’m really glad their mine.

Jun 14 2011

Oh my kids!

Today Miriam had a class trip, their bus was going to be back about 3:30, an hour after school let hour, which is also about when Maura and I get home from her school commute. I was going to just walk over to the school with Maura, but Maura had a clothing issue which required us to head straight home. So I sent Collin up on his bike, with minor directions.

Yeah, turns out Collin really had no clue where Mim’s school was.

At about 4:10, Mim comes in the door and says “My brother abandoned me at school – Seaaaaaaaaan.”

I said “No, Sean came home, but I sent Collin up there.”

Then I realize Sean is talking to someone at the door and Mim’s telling me Collin didn’t show up.

Yep. Mim’s teacher was at the door. He brought her home because Collin never showed up. I apologized as profusely as he’d let me. He left, and I realized…I still didn’t know where Collin was. Sean offered to go look for him but I was afraid of losing another child.

Don’t worry, Collin got home a few minutes later.

Just now, Maura was asking to watch Little Kingdom (her new favorite show). The boys would rather do dishes than watch this show…well, maybe not dishes, but something other than watch this show. I told Miriam “Check and see if it’s on.”

Then I hear “Please don’t be on, please don’t be on…” being chanted by Collin under his breath.

He lucked out…this time…it wasn’t on.

Jun 5 2011

Another streak broken

Last summer, we broke our “no broken bones” streak when Collin leapt from a wall onto a lawn chair and didn’t stick the landing.

Tonight, we broke our “no self-haircuts” record.

It started with Maura walking into the room holding a small fistful of hair. Her hair. And then handing a longer set of strands to Josh. I immediately tried to tell from the hair she was holding whether it looked cut or pulled out. Then I grabbed a hairbrush and brushed out more hair. I still couldn’t tell and began to worry that either she pulled it out, or it just came out in a chunk.

But then, as I brushed her hair back, we saw the small short sections of hair. We both said “Yeah, that’s cut.”

Never have I been so relieved that my child cut her own hair. And even better, it’s only two small sections that are well hidden under the top layer. I’m also pretty sure she used the little scissors out of my knitting bag, which is why damage was minimal.

Now we just need to find those little scissors so she doesn’t pull a repeat performance, as my “We don’t cut hair” lecture I think was beyond her comprehension. Her hair has also gotten longer – it’s now shoulder length – and always in her face, which she doesn’t like, so it’s time I took her for a haircut again.

Mar 8 2011

“All I did was fall asleep officer!”

The Damages

This is the sight that beheld me when I came downstairs to find out why Maura was shrieking and crying. Okay, this wasn’t the first sight. The first sight was Miriam, in the bedroom, winding up the cord to Josh’s headset and trying to hide them from Maura while explaining to me that Maura had taken them. Then I walked into the kitchen and beheld the sight.

This is what happens when I allow myself to fall into the (sorry guys) monthly friend induced coma that hits me a couple afternoons a month. Today, I gave into it. I even asked some older children to check on Maura as I drifted in and out of consciousness. I got reports of “She made herself cereal” and “She’s watching Tinker Bell on the iPad.”

Oh, okay, grea-zzzzzzzzzzzz

Silly me. I know better than this. But Maura’s been acting more mature lately, and I was tired.

What you don’t see in the picture is how she ransacked our bedroom, finding the iPad in a drawer, and then realizing that since I have cool things like her iPad hidden in a drawer, there must be more to discover in these drawers. Like the bag of hair things. Daddy’s headphones. Her headphones. Brushes. Things she dragged back into the kitchen (because she at least stuck to the “Food stays in the kitchen” rule.)

And lucky me – this all happened two hours after the cleaning ladies left. So instead of being able to enjoy the sparkling kitchen until at least dinnertime, I got to clean it all again.

Want to know what’s in the picture?

From Left to Right – some spilled milk, a half eaten pancake, an empty box of frosted flakes from Marks and Spencer, a hair brush, Maura’s Rapunzel doll, a bowl of milk with some frosted flakes, more frosted flakes, the bag of frosted flakes, a kitchen towel, the lid from a yogurt container, and an empty glass.

What you can’t see are things like hair bands on the floor (I’m assuming they were for Rapunzel), cereal on the floor, milk on the floor, new package of hair bands on the table, half ripped apart, two more towels on the floor, a big white towel on the table with a pair of underwear laid out on them, half the clothes off the drying rack into the recycling bin, and most suspiciously…a pair of scissors on the chair (which I think she was using to remove hair bands from packaging – phew!)

At this moment, Maura is now upstairs with the other children. There is screaming from her and boys saying “No Maura, no no no! Oh man, not in the rental house!”

The good news is it’s after 5 pm here – I can totally start drinking now!

*note that this is not my beautiful house and those are not my beautiful granite countertops. this is the last week in the posh temporary housing…and no, I’m not sure what that picture on the wall is supposed to be. I refer to it as the Stone Donut.