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Anxiety Scenario #928 – Maura and I are going to end up in our own version of “Grey Gardens”

13 Nov I still find the time to annoy the tiny one.

I have anxiety and an overactive imagination. Which means the stuff I worry about? Well, it gets embellished to the nth degree.

Case in point – the horrible daydream I had of how Maura and I could end up in our own version of “Grey Gardens”. You know, “Grey Gardens”, the 1970’s documentary about Jackie Kennedy Onassis’s aunt and cousin, who lived in a dilapidated old grand home in one of the Hamptons. Mother and daughter were both…eccentric…and had gone from being very wealthy to very not. They collected cats and trash, and ended up catching the eye of documentary film makers, who proceeded to capture these two very individuals on film. They sort of lived in their own world – bickering, feeding cats, ignoring the heaps of trash in rooms below, and dreaming of stage careers that might have been.

And you’re wondering, “How did we get to talking about two formerly wealthy women living in squalor in the Hamptons?”

Follow my lead –

Everyone else was gone for the evening, and it was just Maura and me at home. As we watched Spongebob for the 397th time, Maura was on her scooter, going back and forth down the hallway as I had a one sided conversation with the tiny dog.

And it hit me.

I needed to get out more.

And then it also hit me – this is what life would be like if it was just the two of us. Just Maura and myself, hanging out evening after evening, day after day, watching cartoons and talking to dogs. And “Grey Gardens” flashed through my head.

Now, we won’t take in a bunch of feral cats – because I’m certain that cats are inherently evil and they would try to kill us in our sleep. But we might have a herd of small ridiculous dogs, which, in a way, would be worse. Because then I’d be going around making little sweaters for Princess Fluffybutt and her litter of offspring as Sir Barksalot and Lady Muffins hide in the sea of dolls Maura has lined up all over the room. I will have also given up on all fashion, so would probably be wearing one of those wearable sleeping bags, because I’ll always be cold, but I’ll need my arms free to knit tiny sweaters for ridiculous dogs. Maura will be in her My Little Pony costume. We will be the house the pizza delivery people all talk about. We will become Urban Legends.

And then I blinked and realized my overactive imagination had led me down yet another path and I hurried back to reality.

Ten to one, Maura and I won’t become a Grey Gardens scenario.


I think.

I still find the time to annoy the tiny one.

Tiny one feels our odds are higher


How to get Maura out of bed quickly

30 Oct

Step one – Tell her it’s the day she can wear her costume to school.

Step two – watch as she leaps out of bed and mows down anything in her path to get to said costume.

Step three – wave goodbye to the happy girl in the ridiculous Twilight Sparkle costume that you scored at the Halloween store

Step four – relax with a cup of coffee, watch the rain and wind gust across the area, and be happy in the fact that Maura doesn’t care about collecting candy, just wearing the costume

Step five – don’t think about what happens Monday morning, when she finds out she can’t wear the ridiculous get up every day to school



Meanwhile, in Mauraland…

11 Oct

Our morning went the same – wake up, make coffee, Maura turned on some cartoons, I let the big dog out. Eventually tiny dog left the warmth of teen girl’s bed and she went outside too.

But not long enough.

Next thing I know, Maura comes running to me. “MOM! MOM! MOMMOM! Come see!!!”

She grabbed my hand and dragged me to the living room.


Apparently tiny dog had to poop. Maura was horrified that tiny dog had to poop and did so on the brand new area rug. Teen girl, who was sitting in said living room, hadn’t noticed.

Observational skills test results-

Maura: 1

Miriam: 0

Tiny dog (who never actually does this, hence Maura’s horror at it) was thrown back outside for good measure. Miriam got to clean up after her dog. And Maura got a new version of “High five poopy!” for alerting us to what the tiny dog had done.

Maura and the tiny dog

Maura and the tiny dog




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