Anxiety Scenario #928 – Maura and I are going to end up in our own version of “Grey Gardens”

13 Nov I still find the time to annoy the tiny one.

I have anxiety and an overactive imagination. Which means the stuff I worry about? Well, it gets embellished to the nth degree.

Case in point – the horrible daydream I had of how Maura and I could end up in our own version of “Grey Gardens”. You know, “Grey Gardens”, the 1970’s documentary about Jackie Kennedy Onassis’s aunt and cousin, who lived in a dilapidated old grand home in one of the Hamptons. Mother and daughter were both…eccentric…and had gone from being very wealthy to very not. They collected cats and trash, and ended up catching the eye of documentary film makers, who proceeded to capture these two very individuals on film. They sort of lived in their own world – bickering, feeding cats, ignoring the heaps of trash in rooms below, and dreaming of stage careers that might have been.

And you’re wondering, “How did we get to talking about two formerly wealthy women living in squalor in the Hamptons?”

Follow my lead –

Everyone else was gone for the evening, and it was just Maura and me at home. As we watched Spongebob for the 397th time, Maura was on her scooter, going back and forth down the hallway as I had a one sided conversation with the tiny dog.

And it hit me.

I needed to get out more.

And then it also hit me – this is what life would be like if it was just the two of us. Just Maura and myself, hanging out evening after evening, day after day, watching cartoons and talking to dogs. And “Grey Gardens” flashed through my head.

Now, we won’t take in a bunch of feral cats – because I’m certain that cats are inherently evil and they would try to kill us in our sleep. But we might have a herd of small ridiculous dogs, which, in a way, would be worse. Because then I’d be going around making little sweaters for Princess Fluffybutt and her litter of offspring as Sir Barksalot and Lady Muffins hide in the sea of dolls Maura has lined up all over the room. I will have also given up on all fashion, so would probably be wearing one of those wearable sleeping bags, because I’ll always be cold, but I’ll need my arms free to knit tiny sweaters for ridiculous dogs. Maura will be in her My Little Pony costume. We will be the house the pizza delivery people all talk about. We will become Urban Legends.

And then I blinked and realized my overactive imagination had led me down yet another path and I hurried back to reality.

Ten to one, Maura and I won’t become a Grey Gardens scenario.


I think.

I still find the time to annoy the tiny one.

Tiny one feels our odds are higher


A conversation about stuffed raccoons with my teen girl

11 Nov

First – did you know that the plural of raccoon isn’t raccoons? Or maybe spell check just never expected there to be more than one raccoon per sentence. Who knows?  (ETA – spell check keeps red underlining “raccoons” even though raccoons is the correct spelling. I know, I googled it.)

But I’m currently reading “Furiously Happy” by The Bloggess herself – aka Jenny Lawson – as she’s coming to town for a book reading/signing – and yes, I have plans to be there.

Now, the teen girl, Miriam, had a teacher last year who hated raccoons. So of course, being eighth graders, her class came up with an idea of stalk their teacher with raccoons. This is how teens show love. The teacher had a love of Johnny Depp, so my daughter used her school issued laptop to find pictures of Johnny Depp and transplant his head onto a raccoon’s body – or vice versa – and dubbed the creature Johnny Coon. Then made a bunch of copies of Johnny Coon to tuck all over the teacher’s classroom.

And you wonder why I want to give wine as teacher gifts.

So I’m reading a book with a happy stuffed raccoon on the cover, right? Surely this is a great way to bond with the girl.

“Hey Mim, fyi, I’m going to this book reading/signing thing. Want to come with? The book’s about a taxidermy raccoon named Rory.”

“What’s taxidermy?”

“When they stuff a dead animal.”

The girl’s eyebrows shot up. “WHAT?”

“Well, the book’s about other things too…but here! Look at the cover! Isn’t it cute?” <thrusts book cover at daughter>

look how happy he is

look how happy he is

The daughter frowned at  me. “It looks demented.”

“But happy demented!”


I opened to inside cover, which has drawings of the raccoon riding an orange tabby cat. “See here? It’s a depiction of the time the writer tried to pose Rory on her cat…then her husband yelled at her and the cat took of running and the raccoon stayed on!”

Now my teen daughter is just eyeing me like I’ve lost my damn mind, so I went back to reading the book.

“Oh hey! There’s actually two of them!” I stated, turning the book so my teen can see the picture of the two Rorys.

“They killed TWO raccoons to stuff??” she exclaimed in that horrified tone only teens can use.

“Oh no…they didn’t kill them…they died of natural causes.” I explained.

“Oh.” the girl said, relieved.

“Yeah, like by a Ford. Maybe Chrysler.”


“No, they didn’t. Someone else did. Then the taxidermist came and scraped them off the road and gave meaning to the raccoon’s death.”


I don’t think the girl’s going to go with me to the book reading…

This is what I woke up with in my head

6 Nov

And since I’m singing along with it, you all might as well to.

I’m also realizing, this could be my theme song in life, lol!

Have a Happy Friday!




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