Why I can’t buy pomegranates

9 Oct

Many years ago, when the kids were shorter than me, I found a deal where I could get a box or two of organic fruit and veg delivered to my doorstep.  We’d get exotic things, like kale, and pineapple.  The children always found these boxes to be amazing, and were always willing to try something new.

At one point, we got a pomegranate.  I’ll be honest, I’d never had one before, and had no clue how to open it.  So I left it in the fridge, with plans on researching what to do with pomegranates on the internet – as you do.

That afternoon, my 4th grader came home – with his light blue shirt covered in purple splatter.

“Sean, what happened?”

“Well, I took the pomegranate to school, but I wasn’t sure how to open it.”

I felt sorry for the kids who sat around him at lunch.  They probably went home a bit purple as well.

“Sean, new rule – you can’t bring fruit to school that you don’t know how to eat.”

I’ll admit, from that day forward, I wasn’t much into buying pomegranates.  I’d buy it already scooped out, seeds in a container, if needed.  But really, there’s not a lot of call for fresh pomegranate in my life, and I’m okay with that.

But yesterday…yesterday I was lured into buying them at Whole Foods.  They were on sale, a twofer deal.  And I knew more about how to open a pomegranate.  My children were older now.  It was safe.

Or so I thought.

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That evening, Miriam asked if she could try one.  I said “Do you know how to open it?”

“No.”

Seriously, I will never learn.  So I told her to cut it open, scoop out the seeds, eat seeds. I heard the sawing of the knife, then silence, then some scraping and pounding.  But it seemed okay, right?  She’s fourteen, right?  This is the girl who knows savvy things like how to get through airport security and how to haggle with souvenir sellers in Rome and what to do in case of a seizure.  Surely my instructions were clear enough.

I was wrong.

So very wrong.

The kitchen looked like a crime scene, where a magenta corpse was dragged about.  There was pomegranate splatter everywhere – counter, clean dishes on the drying board, soaking into my lovely oak farmhouse table.  The girl?  My sweet teen girl?  Coated in pomegranate splatter.  Bits of pomegranate were left between the kitchen and dining room.

“Miriam! Really?  What happened?”

The reply is a bit of a bur, but there were bits of “it was tough” and “I got frustrated with it so just started stabbing at it with a spoon.”

I turned to my husband and said “You would think I’d know better by now than to buy pomegranates.”

You would think.

There’s still one left in the refrigerator.  I should probably do away with it before I find it splattered all over my living room or the like.

 

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Halloween Girl

7 Oct

Maura has embraced some of the holidays – Christmas has been a big deal with her for a few years now.  And now, Halloween has made her hit-list.

She loves dressing up.  She loves candy.  It’s all been good.

But it was still a surprise to find her watching “The Nightmare Before Christmas” the other day.  Then watching it again.  And again. And again.

Sure, she loved the old Mickey Mouse cartoons about Halloween, and the Disney “House of Villains” compilation. But “The Nightmare Before Christmas” didn’t seem like a choice for her.

Except it is.

There’s lots of singing.  She loves singing.  So yes, it makes sense, in her own odd fashion.

I did wonder, how far does her love for Halloween stuff go?  I turned on “ParaNorman” for us girls to watch the other night, and she gnawed on her fingers the entire time. I think it was just a bit too intense for her.  Josh’s theory was that things like “The Nightmare Before Christmas” are definitely fantasy, while “ParaNorman” may feel too close to home.  When I mentioned “Doctor Who”, well, the theory is, there’s enough humor in that to get her through the scarier moments (though I’ve yet to see her truly scared at any moment of “Doctor Who” – even Weeping Angels don’t phase her.)

Of course, now I want to track down “Hocus Pocus” and find out what Maura would make of that movie.  But the question is, if she likes it, can I stand viewing it for the next two months straight?Meanwhile, we’re enjoying Live Action Frozen on “Once Upon a Time”.

As for Halloween itself, I don’t know what Maura will be this year.  I’m sure I could make her an Elsa costume and she’d be thrilled.  I’ve thought about a Rapunzel costume as well. Or possibly a Lilo costume to go with her Stitch doll.  Heck, we have a tweedy jacket, add a fez and a bow tie, she could be The Doctor.

The possibilities are endless with this girl!

Maura, Halloween Past.  She couldn't wait for the popcorn, lol!

Maura, Halloween Past. She couldn’t wait for the popcorn, lol!

Printer problems

30 Sep

Okay, so printers are made by Satan, we all know that.  Right now, my printer is being balky because it wants me to buy new ink cartridges and I’m determined to wear those puppies down until they can print no more.

After spending about 30 minutes on Ravelry hunting down a knitting pattern, I went to print it out.

I turned on the printer.

I loaded paper.

I waited for it to warm up.

I waited some more.

I sent it to print.

I then got the message on my computer that my printer wasn’t happy and would like me to come over there for a chat.

I ignored it.

I heard the printer make noise.

I noticed Maura go over to the printer.

I finally go to get my printed page.

There’s no printed page.  There is a message about firmware and please press “ok” when done.  So I press “ok” and nothing happens.

“Maura, did you take my paper?”

“No.”

Hmmm…well…maybe I didn’t do something right.  But then I followed a squirrely path, got distracted on Facebook for a moment, decided to get a drink in the kitchen, and walk by the table…

…and found the pattern, printed out, on the table.

She sounded so convincing when she said she didn’t take my paper.  Sweet innocent child that she is.  I should have known she was lying because she’s a bit obsessed with paper.  (And by “lying”, I mean answering wrong – because to this day, she can mix up “yes” and “no”.  It’s one of her charms that keeps us on our toes.)

So I claim my printed sheet of paper.

“NOOO!  MINE!”

No…mine.  Get your own knitting pattern kiddo.

If I seem like I’m being gaslighted…it’s because I am.

She’s lucky she’s cute.

as you can see, she takes this seriously

Maura, pretending to  knit.  

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