Yesterday, I ranted about celebrities, their post-baby bodies, all the sage advice they give to us lesser mortals, and how it doesn’t really apply to those of us living in reality.
The rant was brought on after reading a blurb about Gwyneth Paltrow (who I do actually like, though I hated “Shakespeare in Love”.) She was talking about losing weight after her second child, blah blah blah, and I quote –
Although personal trainer Tracy Anderson helped Gwyneth kick the extra weight, the Oscar-winner says it’s something any mom can handle. “Every woman can make time — every woman — and you can do it with your baby in the room,” she says. “There’ve been countless times where I’ve worked out with my kids crawling around all over the place.”
Now, first, I will point out that she proved me right in my rant, by talking about her personal trainer. “Any mom” doesn’t usually have a personal trainer. But this is not the part I want to refer to. No, it’s the “kids crawling around all over the place” part. I’m sure she felt it was really tough for her, with her personal trainer, trying to work out with a toddler or two moving about what is assuredly a larger space than I had to work with. Yet I still scoff at her words. I will still stand by my theory that it’s a lot harder in my world than hers to do such a thing.
Exhibit A – my workout today.
I got the Jillian Michael’s 30 Day Shred DVD, mainly because it’s 20 minutes long. I can manage 20 minutes, right? And people have said it did work (or killed their knees. I’m willing to risk it.)
Twenty minutes. That shouldn’t be too hard. I mean, if Gwyneth Paltrow can exercise with kids crawling around, certainly I can!
No, I spent the beginning of the video with two little girls trying to dance around with me on a 4×6 section of carpet. While I did jumping jacks. While I moved around while doing jumping jacks so I wouldn’t smack them. Sit ups were also mobile, as one girl decided to try to squeeze herself between me and her sister, which meant I had to scoot over. Then the hand weights were brought out and I found myself trying to do the required movement, while squatting, plus avoiding Maura’s head. The girl has enough neurological problems, she doesn’t need me whacking her in the head with a weight.
The “avoiding Maura’s head with the weight” thing became the theme to my workout.
I also had to get a child to shoo dogs out of the room, as I didn’t want to step on Little Dog, and Big Dog wanted to lay on the 4×6 section of carpet that already had too many people in there. The dogs were replaced by the two boys, who were wrestling for position on the couch.
Fifteen minutes into the twenty-minute exercise program, I started threatening children with “If you’re not out of here by the time that woman on tv starts running, you’re running with me!” Exit three children. Leaving me with the fourth. Who decided, as I spread my legs to do some rowing lunge squat thing, to crawl through my legs. Sadly, I didn’t realize it was her – I thought it was the big dog. The good news was, I realized this before I used a foot to push the dog away. The bad news was, Maura wouldn’t move. Finally she did…to circle me like a shark while I trying to do arm lifts while holding weights (and once again, avoiding contact with her head and the weights.)
Twenty minutes. It was a twenty-minute workout kids. Tomorrow, I shall assign chores for that twenty minutes. That will get them to leave me alone.
I wonder if Gwyneth has ever had to deal with all that during one of her workouts? I’m thinking the answer is no.