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Dear Pinterest

25 Jan

For those of you who have yet to discover it, Pinterest is a place for people to “pin” what interests them on the web. Usually links to recipes, or funny geek stuff, or crafts. In other words, a great big time suck. Carry on…

I must be honest –  I have a love/hate relationship with you, sweet time-sucking Pinterest.

On one hand, you are very handy.  You help me find things I need a visual for in my writing.  You’ll also full of handy stuff like recipes and crafting tips and ideas for home storage.  If I’m bored, I can hop on and glance through and find things of interest or to make me laugh.

But then there is the darker side of you, Pinterest.  The side no one will say to your face.

You dish up unrealistic expectations with a side of guilt.

Don’t deny it.  The proof is all there on your pages.  The “Perfect Wedding” pins are a prime example.

You can’t just get engaged anymore.  Oh no.  Now, according to you, Pinterest, a guy must have a photographer hidden away to take 392 photos of that moment he gets down on one knee on that rustic wooden bridge over the sparkling river or other ideal setting.  Because obviously, you need pictures of that moment.  Then, as a bridal gift, the groom can frame those pictures for her to unwrap and weep happy tears over on the morning of the wedding.

After that, you have to have your ever-so-creative “save the date!” photos done and sent out, the words “Save the Date” and the wedding date spelled out on balloons or the soles of your shoes or your sunglasses.  Once those are complete – according to what I’ve seen on Pinterest – you must then find the perfect wedding venue – a barn or outdoors theme with fabric draping and candles in jars – and the table settings must involve the most creative way of putting people in the correct seat.  This usually involves chalkboard paint or art deco printables that you can make yourself.  And candles in jars.  There should always be candles in jars. I don’t care if it’s a daytime wedding – Pinterest has 49183 ways of putting candles in a jar, your wedding will not be complete without it!

Once you’re married, you think the pressure is off.  You’ve done all the Pinterest-correct things, including the Very Creative Wedding Party Photo Shoot followed by the Very Creative Bride and Groom Portrait.

But according to you, bastard Pinterest, we now have two choices  – create the Dream Home…or have a baby.

It’s funny – in a way, having a baby seems less of a challenge in the Pinterest world than creating the Dream Home.  Or at least less expensive.  Creating the Dream Home requires the rustic/sleek kitchen with the coordinating and creative storage and granite countertops, with pewter sink features and cabinet handles.  The Dream Home also has to have the proper coordinating paint jobs, the cozy fireplace and vintage chairs set up, and a wall of photos you have Mod Podged onto canvas yourself.  All of them black and white of course.  You can’t just go to Ikea and say “Yeah, I’ll take a few bookcases and that couch.”  Oh no!  Your bathroom must be big and with faded antique shutters leaning gracefully along the wall.  Your mantle must be decorated with felted acorns you crafted yourself.  Your patio table should be long and ready to feed twelve, with candles in jars scattered about to add to the ambiance (so whatever you do, make sure you save some from your wedding!)  In your kitchen, there will be a place for Family Organization, the fridge will be painted with chalkboard paint where you write up your meal plan, and cloth napkins will be folded neatly into a wicker basket.

Eventually though, you will have to have that baby.  And according to Pinterest, you must do things just right.  You must do some creative photos to announce your pregnancy, to show off your belly.  No slightly out of focus picture of you in front of your closet door will suffice!  Have you learned nothing from your time on Pinterest?  It MUST be Creative!  Or else you will be the worst mother on the planet, failing before the child has exited the womb!

Hopefully you have that uniquely creative nursery set up at least.  What? You don’t?  You haven’t made a mobile out of origami swans in rainbow colors?  You haven’t set up your Star Wars themed crib set?  You haven’t broken the mold and done up your gender-neutral nursery in shades of yellow and teal, with vintage suitcases stacked up for storage and netting draped around the crib?  Have you at least crocheted the heirloom blanket or arranged for the newborn photography session?

Well, at least you can add that to your Bucket List, along with Sitting on the Great Wall of China and Learning How to Surf.    Which you’ll do sometime between trying the 28 new vegan recipes you pinned today, making a votive candle from a clementine, and figuring out if you can actually cut a bottle with nail polish remover, string and a lighter.

By the way Pinterest – if that last one fails, I’m suing you for the damages. But don’t worry, if it fails, I can find an inspirational quote telling me how failure is just success trying or some crap like that.

Yes Pinterest, I have a love/hate relationship with you.  I confess, I wouldn’t know all of the above information if I haven’t spent hours browsing your site, pinning stuff, thinking “Oh, maybe I can actually do that!” while knowing deep down that I probably won’t ever try cutting a liquor bottle in half with string, nail polish remover, and a lighter in an attempt to make a candle holder.  I’ve got scads of stuff pinned onto different boards, and I’m the first one to drag someone into the Time Suck that is your website, dear sweet Pinterest.  But I refuse to hold myself up to the standards of perfection that ooze inbetween each pin, like a dusting of glitter guilt.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go sew antique buttons onto fabric into a letter H to frame and hang on our wall by the Mod Podged photo display I intend to create from my children’s baby pictures.

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27 Responses to “Dear Pinterest”

  1. Helen January 25, 2012 at 7:28 am #

    I have also been sucked in by Pinterest and have been known to spend a significant amount of time lost there! How can I follow you on Pinterest (because I need to lsoe more time there!!!)?

  2. Emily January 25, 2012 at 7:33 am #

    This is SO true!!! I am in two weddings this year and brides are constantly saying, “I pinned this idea on Pinterest…”
    I have *hopes* of starting a blog this year in which I will detail completing a project each week from my Pinterest!

  3. Mara January 25, 2012 at 7:48 am #

    You can make a votive candle from a clementine?!? I go on Pintrest from time to time and always leave feeling hopelessly inadequate. Who has time for most of that crap?? And are there really people who use cloth napkins at every meal?!?

  4. Susan Holmes January 25, 2012 at 8:06 am #

    This is hilarious!! I haven’t been on Pinterest but I will have to try it! I do know people who use cloth napkins at every meal–but they don’t iron and they don’t worry about stains.

    • phoebz4 January 25, 2012 at 8:07 am #

      I love the idea of cloth napkins…I may have some still in the package around here 😉

      • Mara January 25, 2012 at 4:46 pm #

        I do love the idea from an ecological standpoint. We have children under age 5 and just use a washcloth, so I guess we are Eco- friendly:-)

  5. Lisa Jane January 25, 2012 at 10:20 am #

    Am…what’s pinterest? #lost

    • phoebz4 January 25, 2012 at 11:49 am #

      http://www.pinterest.com – a place to “pin” things you like around the web (like a really big bookmarks bar.)

  6. stephanie guerriero January 25, 2012 at 10:27 am #

    This is hysterical…..and SO true!! Thanks for the laugh…this is gonna be another popular one

  7. Eileen Hegarty (@allovus) January 25, 2012 at 10:54 am #

    OMIGOD, My poor darling neglected 1st born is 10 today and it’s the 1st yr I felt unable to make him a cake~so had to rush my poor hubby off to tesco last night to pick up a cake and a card I could doctor up to make look like my poor forgetful mum sent it~and forgot to tell him pick up needle & thread as seam in his trousers went during a good tackle yesterday~so he went to school ~ exposed!!! aaarrggh!! on his birthday… i’m awful…. Pinterest wouldn’t even look at me..

  8. ordinaryandbeyond January 25, 2012 at 12:02 pm #

    So true! I have to remind myself that just because there are some fantastic ways to document each and every part of my life, doesn’t mean I’m missing out if don’t capture it the same way Pinterest thinks I should! I do enjoy all the ideas, and have used lots of them; but I try to keep it under control!
    Great post, for sure! Made me smile the whole way through. 🙂

  9. Sara Petersen January 25, 2012 at 12:05 pm #

    OK–what the heck is Pinterest?!? I have heard of it, mostly from friends on Facebook who declare that they are addicted to it and I have wailed “But what IS it?” But no-one ever answers me. It sort of reminds me of the cool party in high school that I briefly heard about, but was never allowed into.

    And I DID crochet two baby blankets for the girls, but not because I was trying to be a Hip Mom. I was a Poor Mom, having twins, and I wanted to keep my babies’ toes warm. I could crochet, and yarn is cheap. There ya go.

    • phoebz4 January 25, 2012 at 12:11 pm #

      It’s a place for people to “pin” what interests them on the web. Usually links to recipes, or funny geek stuff, or crafts. In other words, a great big time suck.

      Oh, and I crocheted one baby a blanket..I started it as a gift for someone else, only I ended up pregnant a couple months later and this “easy” project was turning into a multi-month saga and I decided that I was going to keep it for MY baby! LOL!

  10. Guidette January 25, 2012 at 12:19 pm #

    I can’t stop laughing. This is EXACTLY how Pinterest makes me feel. I especially love that you have to be invited to join, like it is some sort of special club.

  11. Lisa Jane January 25, 2012 at 1:44 pm #

    Am…what’s pinterest?!

  12. audreygjohnson January 25, 2012 at 1:50 pm #

    I feel the same way about Pinterest! Its a time sucker, a reprieve, a guilt-trip, and a creative storehouse all in one. And now I’ve discovered another 326 places that I need to travel to…

  13. Julie Berberich January 25, 2012 at 7:21 pm #

    Envy me. This is the first I have ever heard of Pinterest.

    • phoebz4 January 26, 2012 at 3:48 am #

      You should join 😉

      • Julie Berberich January 27, 2012 at 3:53 am #

        thank-you! I will check it out.

  14. Leslie January 26, 2012 at 3:17 pm #

    That was the most spot on hilarious post I have ever read. I dont laugh out loud very often and this definately made me do so. I love pinterest too but I choose to pin things I may actually use or would bake or cook in the next year. I even organize them ever so often and remove pins that I have tried and are either terrible, dont work or when you click on them nothing is there. Call me crazy. Thanks for having such a great blog!

  15. Rae January 27, 2012 at 5:27 am #

    I looked at pin interest ONCE and thought oh this is nice. On the front page I saw lovely yummy rainbow cupcakes, and a beautiful bathroom in white with a rustic ladder being used as a towel holder. All very nice….but when I thought about it I already make cupcakes minus tonnes of food colouring and basically white walls, ladders in the house and kids DON’T MIX. It’s a bit like those glossy magazines in waiting rooms. Nice to look at, but unrealistic.

  16. Tia January 31, 2012 at 3:37 pm #

    I absolutely love this post! You really described it well – it’s a major time suck and I’m guilty of pinning tons of things that I really want to do but in all reality will probably never get around to. I knit and crochet and found some really awesome projects there, but I’m also slow at it (I don’t have hours upon hours to devote to it each day) so the only things I end up making are blankets, dish cloths and hand towels because they’re easy and even those take me weeks to complete, LOL! I love Pinterest because there’s so many awesome things to be found, it almost feels like a treasure hunt but then reality sinks in and I realize I’m only going to end up disappointed with myself for never having the time to actually do any of it. This post made me laugh and I love the dry, sarcastic humor. Very well written. 🙂

  17. Carin Griffith February 1, 2012 at 2:02 pm #

    Love it. You inspired me to write… 🙂
    http://caringriffith.blogspot.com/2012/01/inspired.html

  18. Jennifer Giroux February 10, 2012 at 1:45 pm #

    Great Post! I do feel sorry for all these college and high school girls who pin all this “dream wedding” stuff. They are going to be in for one HUGE disappointment when the wedding of their dreams (you know the one that costs a couple hundred thousand) only exists on their virtual pinboards. I believe divorce rates among those girls who pin their wedding ideas will be much higher than those who do not have UNREAL EXPECTATIONS!

    The other day, I even saw someone had pinned a wedding dress and commented, “maybe for wedding #2?” Okay then!

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