Tidbits and toilet training

Me (looking out the back window to see what Maura was doing in the back yard) – Oh dear…Maura has a tennis racket and a golf ball.

Miriam (looking over my shoulder) – Well this will end well.


Sean walks in the door from school – Yeah, so guess what we’re doing in gym class?  Javelin!

(speaking of things that’ll end well…oy…)


In a note to a very dear friend – Whenever I see a dog rub his butt on the grass, I will think fondly of you.



In two days time, Maura will officially start toilet training, a combined effort with the school, to maybe, finally get this girl toilet trained.

Yes, she’s almost nine and not toilet trained.  Not even near potty-learn-ed either.

No, this is not due to sheer laziness on my part.

Yes, we think maybe this time she’s ready (attempts have been made in the past.)

I can’t tell you how much I hope this is really successful.  I’ve heard from other parents at the school that the school staff are amazing when it comes to toilet training these special kidlets.  I’m banking on that.  I am so. damn. tired. of changing diapers.  I’ve been changing diapers for 16 years now.  I’m done.  I’d like to spend that diaper money on other things.  Like a new car!

Okay, maybe not a new car, but a shiny gold medal for butt-wiping.

The one fun part of toilet training is that Maura and I will have to do a pre-training shopping trip…like today.  For underwear and a pair of fake Crocs (so she doesn’t make puddles in her nice shoes) and maybe a couple spare outfits for the school.

Did I mention I’m really ready for her to be toilet trained?

Well, I am.  The main part is that I think it’ll make our lives easier.  But a small part is so I can get Society off my friggen back.  Because there are some – including some moms of special needs kids – who see Maura’s diaper as a sign of my incompetence.  Which is beyond irritating.  I mean, I managed to teach the older three how to use the toilet successfully (and then I taught them how to clean it).  I do know how to toilet train a child.

What they didn’t get is that while Maura may have been 4/6/8 years old physically, mentally she’s lagged behind.  Right now, I’d put her mental age between 3 and 4.  Which is when most kids learn how to use the toilet anyway.  Most children are not toilet trained at 18 months of age, why expect a child with the mental capacity of an 18  month old to know how to use the toilet?

And aside from that, there is the sensory part of things as well.  If your child is blissfully unaware that they’ve done anything, how can they follow signals?  If they don’t care if they’re wet, how to you convince them that wet is not good?  If they refuse to poop in a diaper, how the heck do you get them to poop in a toilet?

To tell me “Oh, you just need to be consistent!”, thatwill earn you an invitation to come to my house and show me how this toilet training thing works.  So far, no one’s taken me up on that offer.

The one redeeming moment in this years-long journey was when Maura was in kindergarten.  The lovely women who taught Maura decided to try toilet training. We all read the book on how to toilet train a special needs child, charts were made, underwear bought.  After a few weeks, Maura’s aide said “I don’t think she even gets the concept!”

I said “Thank you!  I’ve been trying to explain that to others and people don’t believe me.”  I guess it proved that you have to be in that particular situation to truly understand.  Even having a child with special needs doesn’t mean you’ll get it.  If your chid loves his or her routine, and toileting is part of that routine, then your child will probably get it sooner and easier than my child, who has no need for routines.  If your child doesn’t have sensory issues, then it’s harder to understand how sensory issues come into play with this.

I’m just happy part of our move to Ireland has lead us to what sounds like the experts in toilet training.

So I’m going to take my girl shopping, for new stuff to start a new chapter in her life hopefully.  And more carpet cleaner.