Saturday Morning Madness

27 Oct

Josh has taken up mountain biking.  Which is great.  He’s getting the boys into it as well.  That’s lovely.  Good father/son bonding while getting exercise and exploring the Irish countryside.

It’s all well and good until I’m left with a vomit monster.

This morning, I was enjoying just laying in bed.  Laying in bed is nice.  I could hear kids happy downstairs, all was well.  I took note of the sky that was finally blue and sunny after a week of cold, grey and rain.  I thought about our plans for the afternoon – a birthday party for one of Maura’s friends, going out with Josh after that…

…and then…

…then I heard chaos, in the form of Miriam shouting.

Running and shouting.

“She’s barfing!  She’s barfing!  She’s barfing!”

Okay, I didn’t really hear that until I poked my head over the railing upstairs and said “What’s going on?”

Collin replied “Maura threw up.” as Mim went running by with the bottle of carpet cleaner.


“Get her the green bucket.” said I.

“Already did.” stated Collin, who then looked like he was going to go into hiding.  I threw a beach towel at him and told him to put it in the general line of fire.

I get downstairs to find Maura sitting there, the green bucket used, the iPad discarded, the towel stretched out in front of her.  Things seem somewhat in control, so I take the bucket to be rinsed out…and notice on the table a giant water bottle filled with Ribena.

A bottle of Ribena, the strawberry variety

Let me explain Ribena.  It’s very popular here, as are other squashes.

To quote Wikipedia

“Squash (also called cordial) is a non-alcoholic concentrated syrup that is usually fruit-flavoured and usually made from fruit juice, water, and sugar or a sugar substitute. Modern squashes may also contain food colouring and additional flavouring. Some traditional squashes contain herbal extracts, most notably elderflower and ginger.

Squash must be mixed with a certain amount of water or carbonated water before drinking. ”

I bolded that last important bit.  That last important bit that Maura doesn’t understand.  Which is why I found a large water bottle full of squash concentrate.

Which is why there were now large amounts of squash concentrate spewed forth upon my carpeting under a beach towel.

I also discovered strawberry squash concentrate spilled from the kitchen through the hall.  Someone did try to clean that up, which is why I have a couple formerly-white, now red kitchen towels.  I also had an impressive amount of sticky spots all over the floors, which I got to clean up as well.

Did I mention that my husband was out enjoying the sun and mountainsides while we recreated a crime scene of sorts in the house with strawberry squash?  And anyone between the ages of 12 and 16 disappeared as soon as I came on the scene?

Did I mention that I don’t do vomit?  If Josh is home, I do my own kind of disappearing act when vomiting occurs.

Sadly, I got to deal with it all.  Luckily, Maura hadn’t eaten breakfast…just ingested too much squash concentrate.

So I scrubbed the carpet, wiped the floors the best I could, changed the girl, started the washer with all the icked towels…

…and then discovered there is no coffee left in the house.


And just now, Mim asked “What is all over Zoey?”

I’m sorry, what?

“Her fur is all weird and clumpy.”

Yes, it appears that when Maura was pouring and spilling squash concentrate all over the kitchen, Zoey was right there with her.  Her fur is now squash-coated.

Of course it is.

It may be a while before I buy another bottle of Ribena.

Two minutes after posting, Maura walked by with a big glass of milk.  I said “Oh I think NOT!” as I grabbed it before she could drink it.  I think I’m going to need therapy before this day ends.


14 Responses to “Saturday Morning Madness”

  1. Josh Holmes October 27, 2012 at 8:19 am #

    I’m sorry I wasn’t here to clean it up for you boo…

  2. Sharon Hoover Weidemann October 27, 2012 at 8:34 am #

    I’m so sorry that your day started like that:(. I love the ability that you have to tell us … It made me laugh bc I can relate.

  3. Renee Anne October 27, 2012 at 10:46 am #

    I’m not a huge fan of puke either but I can deal with it better than my husband. Sooooo…..when Little Man barfs all over (which has happened), I get to deal with it while he retches in the bathroom. ::sigh::

  4. Kate P. October 27, 2012 at 10:46 am #

    I’m laughing & I’m so sorry for that (sort of.) It’s just, I had a day like that last week, only mine involved human & dog feces. It was awful!!! I feel your pain! Glad she isn’t sick though!

  5. Jessica October 27, 2012 at 11:15 am #

    Just tell me that the sons that scurried away went to buy coffee!

    • phoebz4 October 27, 2012 at 11:56 am #

      son did go get me a Coke. That was nice.

      • Jessica October 27, 2012 at 12:59 pm #

        after a morning like that, any source of caffeine would most likely do!
        I can only imagine how washing cordial out of the fur of a dog was after all that.

      • phoebz4 October 27, 2012 at 3:40 pm #

        not too bad – because I made a boy wash the dog, lol!

      • Jessica October 29, 2012 at 10:39 am #

        good choice – wielding the mom sword – clean dog or else ;). Having the child spill cordial all over is certainly not fun, but having it be red cordial makes it easier to spot and then clean up. If one is to have some positive view on it. You should put up an emergency supply of coffee that no one but you know about 🙂

  6. Karin October 27, 2012 at 11:53 am #

    When is read about the dog I laughed, but knew you weren’t! Rubina goes in a locked cabinet from now on!

  7. Shari Blue October 28, 2012 at 11:51 am #

    Thanks for sharing this…thanks for the smiles, reminded me of Erma Bombeck’s writings! Also, I think it’s really sweet that your husband is that caring to actually clean up messes from kids, pets, etc….never experienced that in my marriage. You are blessed!!

  8. Evie Huguenin Hawley October 29, 2012 at 5:29 am #

    No one should have a morning like that without coffee. I have had an episode or two which compare. We have a story for pretty much each bodily fluid- haven’t had blood yet though- no looking forward to that…
    Inevitably they happen while your sleeping and to not have coffee is just a sad state of the universe.

    • phoebz4 October 29, 2012 at 5:55 am #

      Oh, we have the blood stories as well, lol! Miriam woke up covered in blood once – we’re looking for the gaping head wound, turns out it was her first bloody nose.

      Parents can share the strangest of war stories, can’t they? Preferably over coffee or a beer (depending on if it’s before or after noon, lol!)

  9. Jamie November 3, 2012 at 10:00 pm #

    Hopping over from “love that Max” to say Hi! Sorry to hear about your “adventures.” Here’s hopping for a better next week. ~ Jamie

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