Saturday Morning Madness

Josh has taken up mountain biking.  Which is great.  He’s getting the boys into it as well.  That’s lovely.  Good father/son bonding while getting exercise and exploring the Irish countryside.

It’s all well and good until I’m left with a vomit monster.

This morning, I was enjoying just laying in bed.  Laying in bed is nice.  I could hear kids happy downstairs, all was well.  I took note of the sky that was finally blue and sunny after a week of cold, grey and rain.  I thought about our plans for the afternoon – a birthday party for one of Maura’s friends, going out with Josh after that…

…and then…

…then I heard chaos, in the form of Miriam shouting.

Running and shouting.

“She’s barfing!  She’s barfing!  She’s barfing!”

Okay, I didn’t really hear that until I poked my head over the railing upstairs and said “What’s going on?”

Collin replied “Maura threw up.” as Mim went running by with the bottle of carpet cleaner.


“Get her the green bucket.” said I.

“Already did.” stated Collin, who then looked like he was going to go into hiding.  I threw a beach towel at him and told him to put it in the general line of fire.

I get downstairs to find Maura sitting there, the green bucket used, the iPad discarded, the towel stretched out in front of her.  Things seem somewhat in control, so I take the bucket to be rinsed out…and notice on the table a giant water bottle filled with Ribena.

A bottle of Ribena, the strawberry variety

Let me explain Ribena.  It’s very popular here, as are other squashes.

To quote Wikipedia

“Squash (also called cordial) is a non-alcoholic concentrated syrup that is usually fruit-flavoured and usually made from fruit juice, water, and sugar or a sugar substitute. Modern squashes may also contain food colouring and additional flavouring. Some traditional squashes contain herbal extracts, most notably elderflower and ginger.

Squash must be mixed with a certain amount of water or carbonated water before drinking. ”

I bolded that last important bit.  That last important bit that Maura doesn’t understand.  Which is why I found a large water bottle full of squash concentrate.

Which is why there were now large amounts of squash concentrate spewed forth upon my carpeting under a beach towel.

I also discovered strawberry squash concentrate spilled from the kitchen through the hall.  Someone did try to clean that up, which is why I have a couple formerly-white, now red kitchen towels.  I also had an impressive amount of sticky spots all over the floors, which I got to clean up as well.

Did I mention that my husband was out enjoying the sun and mountainsides while we recreated a crime scene of sorts in the house with strawberry squash?  And anyone between the ages of 12 and 16 disappeared as soon as I came on the scene?

Did I mention that I don’t do vomit?  If Josh is home, I do my own kind of disappearing act when vomiting occurs.

Sadly, I got to deal with it all.  Luckily, Maura hadn’t eaten breakfast…just ingested too much squash concentrate.

So I scrubbed the carpet, wiped the floors the best I could, changed the girl, started the washer with all the icked towels…

…and then discovered there is no coffee left in the house.


And just now, Mim asked “What is all over Zoey?”

I’m sorry, what?

“Her fur is all weird and clumpy.”

Yes, it appears that when Maura was pouring and spilling squash concentrate all over the kitchen, Zoey was right there with her.  Her fur is now squash-coated.

Of course it is.

It may be a while before I buy another bottle of Ribena.

Two minutes after posting, Maura walked by with a big glass of milk.  I said “Oh I think NOT!” as I grabbed it before she could drink it.  I think I’m going to need therapy before this day ends.