Please be warned, there will be fecal talk in this post. If you are eating…well…maybe you should go play on Facebook for a while. But in the spirit of “this is my real life”, I bring you this post. Forgive me.
So to update everyone on what happened after we spent 7 hours seeing doctors a week ago…to find out Maura’s boo boo tummy was due to too much poop in her system, here’s what happened.
Josh took the prescription to the pharmacist. Except it wasn’t really a prescription, but “Get this OTC medicine.” Dulcolax. In tiny pill form. Take two, don’t chew them.
Sunday night, we gave her the medication. Maura chewed up the first pill, and kind of chewed up the second. We also gave her ice cream to try to lure her into eating. Turns out milk products cause Dulcolax not to work. I should really read the inserts more carefully. I usually do. I blame it all on lack of sleep and too much stress.
We waited the next day, for effects that were not to be. We thought “Well, they did say the poop was higher up in the colon, and she hasn’t really eaten much, so maybe that’s why we’re not seeing anything.”
Monday might, she chews up the first pill again while I’m using a syringe to shoot Sprite into her mouth. We got the second pill down with almost no chewing. We’re still unaware of the milk counter-effect, and I had literally shoved yogurt into her face in order to get some food in her. I thought “Yogurt, she loves it. It’s good for tummies. It’s got protein.” Turns out not a great choice.
Tuesday rolls around. Nothing happens. At this point, we’re viewing Maura as a ticking time bomb. She’s barely eating, which is an improvement from not eating at all. We have Christmas, she’s enjoying every present and Christmas movie. She’s in a great mood.
But still, no poop.
So Tuesday night, we give her two more Dulcolax pills. (We were told to do it at least 3 days, 5 if needed.)
I’m now reading the entire insert, to see if there’s a warning about what to do if nothing happens. Because we’re eyeing this child as if she’s a ticking time bomb, that will explode at any moment. tick. tock. tick. tock.
This is when I discover the thing about “no milk products” an hour before/after taking Dulcolax. Which would have been good to know. It doesn’t say what to do if nothing happens, so I go online, where I read a page of horror stories which included phrases like “I thought I was going to die” and other such uplifting stories for my state of mind. I’m now imagining Maura writhing in pain from all the Dulcolax we’ve given her (she was fine.)
I also read there was a liquid version.
A liquid version.
A LIQUID VERSION.
That would have been good to know sooner.
So we obtained the liquid version on Wednesday. Poured the dosage into her before bed.
On Thursday, we started seeing results.
Result #1 – normal poop.
An hour later, result #2 came along – which was slightly more what we expected. I changed her diaper, and went to turn on a movie for her when she got this “Oh no” look on her face. Result #3 required carpet cleaning thanks to diaper failure. We were all now traumatized. Even the dogs were all “What the heck?”
We toyed with giving her one more dose that night, but by the time bedtime came around, Maura was all “My tummy” and looking pale. So I didn’t give her another dose of Dulcolax.
Which in retrospect, was a good thing. Because on Friday, pure evil came out her backside. It was just…yeah…wow…
Let’s just put it this way – she lost four pounds between Saturday and Thursday. The colon was pretty dang clean by now.
Now she’s all perky and herself again, eating well, slightly addicted to Sprite, her stomach flatter than I’ve seen it in a long time.
Here’s to keeping her colon happy and clear from now on.
And that is how I spent MY Christmas vacation.