“Because I have kids.”

8 Jul

As I pulled the empty cereal bar box out of my refrigerator this morning while getting milk for my coffee, I realized that there are just some questions I’ve stopped asking because I already know the answer – “Because I have kids.”

Things I’ve stopped asking –

“What happened to all the food I just bought?”

“Why is there a hunk of tree limb in your bed?”

“Why is my floor/counter/seat/self sticky?”

“Why is the freezer door wide open?”

“Why is the tiny dog wearing a Build-a-Bear tutu?”

“Why can I respond to any life situation with a SpongeBob quote?”

“Why do I cherish the locks on my bathroom doors so much?”

“Why do I smell poop?”

“Why do my headphones keep disappearing?”

“Why is there water dripping from the ceiling?”

“Why are there crumbs on the bottom of my purse?”

“Why are there clementines stashed all over the house?”

“Why does the school keep calling me?”

“Why can’t I have a fun little car?”

“Why does my back/shoulder/elbow hurt?”

“Why am I so tired?”

“Why am I watching cartoons at 3 a.m.?”

“Why do I have Poison Control’s number memorized, and why do they have a file with my name on it?”

“Why did I stop wearing white/skirts?”

“Why is there glitter in my microwave?”

“Why are there shoe prints on the ceiling?”

Okay, that last one was actually something my mom had to ask.  The answer was…because she had kids.  (And the mystery was solved the day she caught my brother laying on his bed and kicking his shoes straight off…onto the ceiling.)

You can almost hear her whispering "Help me!"

You can almost hear her whispering “Help me!”

 

Advertisements

8 Responses to ““Because I have kids.””

  1. Suzanne July 8, 2014 at 6:50 pm #

    Brilliant!

  2. Nance July 9, 2014 at 1:50 am #

    I chuckled as I started reading, and finished reading with a genuine grin stuck on my face. Parenthood is grand and so is this post! 🙂

  3. scottishmomus July 9, 2014 at 10:33 am #

    And I’ll bet that wasn’t an exhaustive list! 😉

  4. saracvt July 9, 2014 at 2:53 pm #

    “Why haven’t I seen a non-animated movie in years?”

    “Why is the milk jug lying on the floor?”

    “Why are there scissors in the laundry hamper?”

    “Why do I always have old clothes to donate, when they pick up every three months?”

    “What is this goopy stuff inside the car?”

    “Why do I have cookies hidden in the oven and not in the cookie jar?”

    “Why do I have a locked cabinet in the kitchen?”

    “Why do I have chicken baby food dried on our vaulted ceiling (and how do I get it off)?”

    “Why are our cats constantly wary?”

    “Why don’t I pay attention to the yearly fashion trends anymore?”

    “Why do I look forward to the week my kids spend with their grandparents every year?”

    “Why do our neighbors know what Olivia looks like naked?”

    Right there with you, my friend.

  5. Morguie July 9, 2014 at 2:59 pm #

    Or “OK! WHO farted?!”

  6. Charlotte Steggz July 10, 2014 at 1:37 pm #

    Omg so funny! That doggie really looks like she’s loving it, though!

  7. lexiemom July 14, 2014 at 7:44 am #

    I literally laughed out loud on this one, cause I can SO relate!! Even the footprints on the ceiling thing…my boys do that too for some reason…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: