There is no guidebook for this

9 Dec

Gentlemen, avert your eyes….

Today, while in Target, I had this moment of awareness and horror as I realized that Maura is pretty much out of girls sizes, and plummeting into puberty.  Puberty is scary enough with a normal child, but in Maura’s case, I may become a full-fledged alcoholic by the end of it.

I realized, as I stood there in the girls section looking at new and improved comfy sports bras that Maura had outgrown the largest size.  I found myself in the intimates department, wandering about with a dazed look.

There are barely guidebooks for taking your normal daughter bra-shopping.  There’s nothing about taking your not-very-verbal, delayed, doesn’t understand the idea of just trying on stuff daughter bra shopping.

Does anyone even talk about it?

Okay, I understand why most don’t.  You want to respect your child’s privacy.  Just because you have a disability doesn’t mean you’re not aware of what’s being said about you.  But Maura’s been different in that way.  She doesn’t know, doesn’t care, isn’t bothered by what I write.

So I thought I’d write about this.

My plan is simple –

I know how to measure for bras. I’m hoping we can get away with easy sports-bra type stuff, things she can get on and off.  None of those tiny hooks if we can get away with it.  I’m praying fervently that she doesn’t take after my side of the family (we’re quite bosomy, as my grandma would say.)

I am also hunting down all the “comfort” styles, the cami’s with the built in bras.  These could be our friends.  Kohl’s stocks these pull over bras that could work. I shall measure her, hunt down stuff without her, try them on at home and see what works.

And hopefully, I won’t kill my liver in the process.

 

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5 Responses to “There is no guidebook for this”

  1. Amanda December 9, 2014 at 5:06 pm #

    There is a site called herroom.com that sells more kinds of women’s lingerie than you ever knew anybody ever needed or wanted. I go there because I’m big-busted and they’re the only ones sell bras that fit me. Anyway, I checked their “sports bra” tab and in a matter of minutes found at least a half dozen sports bras by Fruit of the Loom, Champion, New Balance, Endell, and the like, that do not have hooks – and some of them are even bright pink, which should go over gang-busters with Maura. These folks are like Zappos in that they’re cool about your returning the ones that don’t work so you can order sizes on either side of the scale you think will work. And not having to go through the whole fitting room thing can only be a good thing – I know I do not miss it a bit. Good luck!

  2. saracvt December 9, 2014 at 5:49 pm #

    I agree, shopping for *lingerie* can be difficult, especially when Daddy doesn’t want to know his princesses are growing up.

    I don’t have any tips for that, but I do for something else: shaving. If Maura’s anything like my two, she’s developing underarm hair. (I haven’t mentioned the topic of shaving your legs yet, it hasn’t come up, and I’m hoping it won’t for a long time.)

    But while underarm hair tends to trap odor, I was REALLY uncomfortable with the idea of the girls using razors on themselves (or anybody else, come to think of it.)

    So, I got one of those electric, “ouchless” shavers (I found mine at Walgreen’s) and the girls can use it all day and never cut themselves. It works quite well, too, if you keep it fully charged. I use it myself.

    This might be a dilemma you’ve already solved, but it was helpful for us, so I thought I’d share.

  3. Liz Palika December 9, 2014 at 5:52 pm #

    Don’t forget the kindly ‘grandma’ type in the bra department of some department stores. They know how to fit bras and know what kinds are available. You usually need to make an appointment ahead of time and in doing so could explain the situation. Maura might be more cooperative with a ‘grandma’ who could be ‘armed’ a head of time with treats and/or rewards. Just a thought.

  4. Linda Black-Jones December 9, 2014 at 9:42 pm #

    Have you tried a “genie” bra? If you have a BJ’s nearby, you can get a 3 pack for $19.99. They go over your head and do not have hooks. They might carry them at Kohl’s. I know they carry a package with just 1 bra at CVS for about $10. They have removable pads. Best to take them out when you throw them into the washing machine. That is a bit of a pain, but they are comfortable. They come in sizes sm, med, lg & xlg. My best friend is an excercise queen and wears an xlg. She’s the one who told me about them. I think the 3 pack might be a black, white, beige deal, but I have seen them as single pack colors of pink & blue. Something to think about. Good luck!

  5. franhunne4u December 10, 2014 at 4:52 am #

    Show to her the same compassion – and determination – you have shown in all the other things of life – like taking medicine when she needs it, teaching her how to use a toilet and what not to do to avoid dangers (not to use a big cooking knife, for example) – you have been there already, many times! You can go through this, as well, just try to push aside the feeling that you should be ashamed just because this deals with body parts that are called private. Toilet training does, too – and you went through that and did not turn into an alcoholic. For Maura this is nothing different. Do not make it different. Allow yourself to treat your daughter like you did treat her before and like you do treat her in other aspects. A child that needs your guidance. Not your shame.

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