Today I vowed to put back together Maura’s room, into some semblance of organization. Once a month, we go in there and organize all the things back to their spots. And every time, by the end of it, I need therapy.
There’s ten basic steps to cleaning Maura’s room. They go like this –
Step One – Stare into the room and feel all hope leave your body. Contemplate walking away and dealing with it on another day.
Step Two – Find your resolve, and start chucking things into piles – clothes, dolls, books, shoes, random items that don’t belong in there, piles of paper…
Step Three – Realizing yet again that your child is a combination of a squirrel, a pack rat, and a magpie. Wonder over the amount of torn paper in the room.
Step Four – Maura enters, ooo’s over the newly discovered floor space and immediately starts removing items from piles. You then shoo her out.
Step Five – Contemplate gasoline and a match, or at least maybe getting rid of a few things without her noticing.
Step Six – Maura enters again, just after you’ve finally put all the books back in order, and proceeds to take all the books off the shelf. Shoo her from the room again, more loudly.
Step Seven – Realize that True Organization can never happen while the girl is underfoot. Contemplate drinking. Start shoving things into bins to be sorted out later.
Step Eight – Maura enters the room yet again, now plucking treasure out of the trash pile. Cry a little.
Step Nine – Realize that you can’t truly clean the joint until the girl is back in school, where you can get rid of all the things while she’s not looking.
Step Ten – Abandon all hope, take dirty clothes to laundry room, hide in there with a glass of wine while listening to the joyful sounds of Maura tearing apart her now clean-ish room.