Anxiety Scenario #928 – Maura and I are going to end up in our own version of “Grey Gardens”

I have anxiety and an overactive imagination. Which means the stuff I worry about? Well, it gets embellished to the nth degree.

Case in point – the horrible daydream I had of how Maura and I could end up in our own version of “Grey Gardens”. You know, “Grey Gardens”, the 1970’s documentary about Jackie Kennedy Onassis’s aunt and cousin, who lived in a dilapidated old grand home in one of the Hamptons. Mother and daughter were both…eccentric…and had gone from being very wealthy to very not. They collected cats and trash, and ended up catching the eye of documentary film makers, who proceeded to capture these two very individuals on film. They sort of lived in their own world – bickering, feeding cats, ignoring the heaps of trash in rooms below, and dreaming of stage careers that might have been.

And you’re wondering, “How did we get to talking about two formerly wealthy women living in squalor in the Hamptons?”

Follow my lead –

Everyone else was gone for the evening, and it was just Maura and me at home. As we watched Spongebob for the 397th time, Maura was on her scooter, going back and forth down the hallway as I had a one sided conversation with the tiny dog.

And it hit me.

I needed to get out more.

And then it also hit me – this is what life would be like if it was just the two of us. Just Maura and myself, hanging out evening after evening, day after day, watching cartoons and talking to dogs. And “Grey Gardens” flashed through my head.

Now, we won’t take in a bunch of feral cats – because I’m certain that cats are inherently evil and they would try to kill us in our sleep. But we might have a herd of small ridiculous dogs, which, in a way, would be worse. Because then I’d be going around making little sweaters for Princess Fluffybutt and her litter of offspring as Sir Barksalot and Lady Muffins hide in the sea of dolls Maura has lined up all over the room. I will have also given up on all fashion, so would probably be wearing one of those wearable sleeping bags, because I’ll always be cold, but I’ll need my arms free to knit tiny sweaters for ridiculous dogs. Maura will be in her My Little Pony costume. We will be the house the pizza delivery people all talk about. We will become Urban Legends.

And then I blinked and realized my overactive imagination had led me down yet another path and I hurried back to reality.

Ten to one, Maura and I won’t become a Grey Gardens scenario.


I think.

I still find the time to annoy the tiny one.
Tiny one feels our odds are higher