So we didn’t win the Powerball billion. I’m very sad about that because I had plans to go all Oprah Winfrey giving away all the cash to everyone. Spread it around like manure and watching things grow, to quote Dolly Levi’s husband.
My daughter Miriam asked about it that evening.
“When’s the drawing for the lottery?”
“It’s already happened. We didn’t win.”
“Don’t worry honey, we’ll just sell the little dog.”
The girl looked at me in horror. “Not my puppy!”
Me, sighing. “Fine, we’ll sell Zoey instead. To the highest bidder. She’ll get more money anyway.”
The girl was now clutching both dogs. “No! Zoey’s our protector!”
“Eh, it’ll be fine.” I said. “Uncle Patrick will outbid everyone because he loves her the most. And then you can be all sad-eyed and “Uncle Patrick, I really miss my Zoey, can I have her back?” and Uncle Patrick will cave and give Zoey back. Then we’ll have the money AND the dog.”
Miriam eyed me. “That’s genius. See, this is why you’re the smart one.”
bidding starts at one million dollars…