And now, for a rebuttal

2 Mar

One reader – Beebe – couldn’t figure out how to leave comments on today’s blog post – The four types of people you’ll meet on “Spread the Word to End the Word” Day – an #rword post

Beebe left it elsewhere on my blog, but since they felt their words were so very important to leave me that they were forced to search out another blog post to leave their commentary on, I feel like I should also share, so the whole world can see and learn.

And now, Beebe’s Words of Wisdom –

“Well, this seems to be YOUR problem in that you cannot or will not accept your child is retarded – literally. It obviously hurts you to hear it spoken even when the reference is not about your kid. So it seems the problem is not in other people and how they talk, but with you.
Your issue is that you want other people to stop hurting you. Good luck with that. More of your issue is to make people stop hurting your kid. Good luck with that too.
Here’s the way your generation is dealing with this problem (not just the use of words, but anything that makes you feel lower than someone else): 1) make it politically incorrect to categorize or define other people in the way you are wounded, no matter the truth of it, and shame others when they do so; 2) use social media to stand on a soapbox and browbeat others into accepting your point of view; 3) rain a hail of vicious comments and self righteous diatribe against anyone who disagrees with you.
Here’s the way people in former generations dealt with this problem: 1) rose above it and realized name calling is just name calling (sticks and stones will break my bones but names will never hurt me); 2) taught their children people who used names and categories to diminish the worth of others are themselves very flawed, but you should not imitate them; 3) denying what you ARE in reality does not work, (if you are the mother of a retarded child, that is a fact) so it’s best to ignore those who would marginalize you and live your own life in a most honorable and exemplary way, rising above pettiness and judgement of others. Since you know what it is to be categorized and shamed by a word, to call out others on that is doing to them what they do to you, and the self righteousness is just perpetrating and justifying the same action by yourself.
Do some self reflection on how much having a retarded child hurts you, and realize you are just angry at the world for seeing what you would rather not. Because being the source of retardation makes you flawed too. (Shock!!! OH NO!!)
I know your generation hates hard words of wisdom, so take it or leave it. But just like facing there’s a leak in the roof and it needs to be fixed, denial is not going to make it all go away, and blaming and shaming others isn’t either. Reality is reality. It’s not other people’s comments that are causing your pain. It’s your sorrow at the situation you are in, and your child’s condition.”


Now Beebe…

I do wonder…how old do you think I am, with all your talk of “Your Generation”? Also, have you read any other of my blog posts? Seriously curious about that one. I do appreciate you taking time out of what must be a busy day for you to share your knowledge and insights with me. I didn’t know I was upset by having a retarded daughter. I need to realize that. And the fact that I am flawed. *sigh* I have a lot of accepting to do. Maybe you can help me love myself and my daughter more…by coming over and cleaning my kitchen while I reflect quietly upon your words?


Me, with Maura, hiding my anger and despair.



12 Responses to “And now, for a rebuttal”

  1. katie z. March 2, 2016 at 7:05 pm #

    Nicely handled.

  2. Darcy Pennington Arnold March 2, 2016 at 7:20 pm #

    My gosh, I need to take lessons from you. I was cursing while reading her words. Such ignorance! You go, woman; I’m with you 100%!!!

  3. Stacy March 2, 2016 at 7:25 pm #

    Oh my, quite an angry person. Your rebuttal is lovely <3.

  4. Cheryle M. March 2, 2016 at 7:54 pm #

    Maybe you should share her address so all of us who have children with disabilities and obviously don’t love ourselves because we are “flawed” could let her know how we feel about the use of the word retarded. You did a great job! I hope she reads the comments you receive about her statements. She is obviously “so much older” than you that she feels she can share her knowledge (or lack of) with all the flawed Moms.

  5. saracvt March 2, 2016 at 8:28 pm #

    You know, assuming she is in fact older than us, I do have some experience with that generation (surprise, surprise! I don’t live in a bottle!) & I don’t remember them “dealing with this problem” quite that way. I remember bullying, “boys/kids will be boys/kids”, & laughing along with the name-calling. Thus this campaign now, as well as the no-bullying & “no means no”, along with others.

    Perhaps we are not the only ones who are flawed?

  6. shecrochets March 2, 2016 at 8:29 pm #

    Honestly? This sounds like a self-important 20-something with a limited world view. She clearly knows everything about you and your family life. If she’d read your blog and understood a single thing about you, she may have re-though the comment a minute and decided not channel Donald Trump. Diahhrea of the opinion is a sad condition. I wonder if it can be cured?

    • phoebz4 March 2, 2016 at 8:42 pm #

      I hear reading helps

      • franhunne4u March 2, 2016 at 11:51 pm #

        Only if that includes understanding … I have my doubts about the intellectual capacities of someone like Beebe … What you say says a lot more about yourself than about others you talk to or about. And Beebe’s words talk of self-importance (“I know the truth, THIS is how the world is in reality!”), of self-righteousness (“YOU are flawed!”) and of a lack of social intelligence.

  7. Stacey March 2, 2016 at 10:02 pm #

    It BAFFLES me that people still use this word. There are (literally) thousands of other words you can use to describe a thing/event/situation/person. Aim higher folks!

  8. Cindy Wilcox March 3, 2016 at 12:17 am #

    Beebe has not done her research on you. There are many levels, degrees of intelligence and Beebe has shown us hers. Let’s see if she can become educated in special education, speech therapy, IEP’s, resource, and, my fave, bullying. Good luck Beebe on your future endeavors!

  9. Berber Anna March 3, 2016 at 9:20 am #

    Wow, way to miss the point and argue a strawman (her/him, not you). Because it’s clearly not the word ‘retarded’ as such that hurts you. That’s just a description. It’s the utterly ridiculous use of a description as an insult, an insult that speaks volumes as to the perceived worth of those described by the word. As does Beebe’s assumption that you would be embarrassed or feel flawed by any association with disability.

    Because if society were to stop qualifying disability as Other and Lesser, then using ‘retarded’ as an insult would feel as ridiculous as using ‘blue-eyed’ or ‘brown-haired’ or any other descriptive term as an insult. And that’s what this is about.

    Which you know, of course. Just venting. 😉

  10. Christine March 3, 2016 at 11:06 am #

    I couldn’t ask for a nicer rep for our generation, Phoebe. I can’t help but think that Beebe mistook someone else’s blog for yours.

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