Let’s talk about flaws

4 Mar

So you know, a couple days ago, a reader named Beebe shared some words of wisdom from her generation to my generation. Which in a way, was nice, because every time she talked about my generation, I felt like a twenty-something again. So hooray for feeling younger!

But she also wrote this – Do some self reflection on how much having a retarded child hurts you, and realize you are just angry at the world for seeing what you would rather not. Because being the source of retardation makes you flawed too. (Shock!!! OH NO!!)

That line stuck out to me. Why? Because it’s just plan silly, the idea that I wasn’t flawed to begin with.

Duh. I’m human. Ergo, I’m flawed. Just like you. Just like Beebe. We’re all flawed, that’s part of the gloriousness in being human. We’re flawed, and quirky, and unique in our own ways. No two people are the same. No one person is perfect.

No, really. Perfection is overrated and out of our reach anyway. How many of us bought that “The Art of Tidying Up” book, in hopes that this would change our lives, or at least housekeeping ways, only to misplace the book before even cracking it open?

*raises hand*

How many of us have a pile of clean laundry on the couch, that’s been there for two days because we just haven’t gotten around to folding it yet?

*raises hand*

How many of us have last night’s dinner dishes in the sink this morning?

*I can’t tell, I have teens, they eat all all times and get up before me*

Life isn’t meant to be perfect. Life is gloriously flawed. And that’s okay. It’s what can make things interesting.

As for the other thing Beebe wrote – that having a retarded child hurts me – no. No, having Maura doesn’t hurt me. Well, okay, labor was a bit painful. And the pregnancy wasn’t thrilling. And every so often, she barrels into me or elbows me in the back, and that does hurt. But my heart has never been hurt by her. She gives too much love to ever cause that. Also, she is one of mine, one of the four amazing creatures I’ve birthed and raised and watch bloom into their own unique beings. If I hurt for Maura, it’s that hurt only a parent feels when someone is mistreating their child. It’s the same kind of hurt I feel for all my kids. I worry and fret about them, much to their delight now that they’re teens. But hurt? No, having Maura doesn’t hurt me, how could it? Having people be mean about Maura, that may not hurt me either but it will make me angry. And you don’t want to see me angry. I will put you in a time out so quick, you won’t ever see it coming! So there!

And then, after you’ve thought about what you did, you can fold that pile of laundry on the couch. Because it’s still there.





7 Responses to “Let’s talk about flaws”

  1. Cheryle March 4, 2016 at 12:27 pm #

    Right on!

  2. Phyllis March 4, 2016 at 12:48 pm #

    Phoebe, I love you so much! We will probably never meet face to face in this life, but I want you to know that I subscribe to your blog and look forward to reading it every time it hits my inbox! My granddaughter is a child with special needs and I often forward your blog posts on to my daughter in law because I know she can so relate. Keep the posts coming!

  3. saracvt March 4, 2016 at 1:48 pm #

    *Raises hand three times*

  4. Renee Anne March 4, 2016 at 2:32 pm #

    I cannot tell you how many books I’ve picked up on the “art” of getting my sh*t together. So far, the only thing that has even kind of stuck at all: UFYH. And I even suck at that. Woo.

    • Lizz March 10, 2016 at 12:44 am #

      UFYH is awesome, because at least they admit that it’s okay to suck at it. I suck at it, too. There may or may not be an army of dirty laundry in tank- I mean, baskets -ready to take over. Luckily, the kitchen floor is sticky enough to keep them advancing too far…

  5. Chris Phelan March 5, 2016 at 11:55 am #

    Phoebe, you are the best! And Beebe,…….well, she is the Anti-Phoebe. She has a lot to learn… 🤔 Stay smart, funny & strong.. Luv you!

  6. wiffette March 6, 2016 at 8:50 am #

    I don’t agree with what she said. I think young people don’t understand how important language is. It shapes the way people think. That’s why homophobic, misogynist, racist and prejudice language is so bad. There is a big backlash against being politically correct because don’t seem to understand that being politically correct is the same as just not being a racist, misogynist, and prejudice. Using that language makes people look like jackasses. There are a lot of words I don’t have a problem with, like you can say ‘fuck’ until the cows come home and it’s fine with me. But I completely agree, using the R word in a negative connotation is bad and people should not do that.

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