When things go south

16 Jan

Yesterday, Maura had a meltdown in public.

This is not new to us. When you have all the feelings and not always a way to communicate them, meltdowns happen. Usually, if we can quickly remove her from the situation, she can calm down almost instantly.

The trick, yesterday, was that removing her from the situation required get her out of the public building with great acoustics, which also meant down two flights of stairs since the escalator was broken, and over a sky bridge.

It was on the sky bridge that things got…interesting…

I was hoping fresh air would help her calm. She loves the sky bridge as it gives a great view of everything. Instead, she stopped to sob some more. At this point, Josh put his arm around her waist and got her moving forward again, even while she kept wailing.

And then two security guards stopped up.

“We heard a woman was screaming on the sky bridge…” they said.

We went into a round of “our daughter has special needs, she’s having a meltdown, we’re just trying to get her to the car, I swear she’s not being kidnapped…”

The security guards instantly backed down, apologized a little as we told them we completely understood, and offered to assist us in any way. Two minutes later, we were in our car and Maura was calmer. Two minutes out of the parking garage and Maura was back to her usual self.

But it was a moment that really struck me – they said they heard a woman. They thought my daughter was an adult. Granted, she’s five foot three, making her slightly taller than me. But still. She was seen as a woman at first.

Folks, we’ve entered new territory.

Society is more accepting of children with disabilities, especially if they’re nicely dressed, smiling, and inspirational in any way.

Society is less accepting of adults with disabilities.

My daughter is morphing into an adult with a disability.

She doesn’t look disabled. Even watching her come back from refilling a drink the other night at Five Guys, I looked at her and realized that at most, she just appears a bit awkward – but not disabled.

When I posted what happened on Facebook, my friends tried to help. “Can you get her an ID, or an ID bracelet?” I could – but that doesn’t really help make her visibly disabled to the general public.

I could probably shout out “Don’t mind us! She has cognitive disabilities and sometimes she doesn’t transition well!” but, you know, I’m kinda busy at the time to be shouting.

Maybe I could get some bat signal, or a flare gun that shoots off so people know that this is not ordinary but not scary.

There’s not a good answer for this. The only one I can think of is talking about it so that more people become aware, so that more people understand what’s going on if my daughter is having a hard time in public.

Because becoming hermits isn’t an option.

 

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One Response to “When things go south”

  1. figspowart January 17, 2017 at 1:50 pm #

    Oh dear, it isn’t easy is it? We had the police called last week when our son decided to escape from his carer and pop down the road to visit a complete stranger’s house and check out his DVD collection. The only thing you can do is what you are doing – write about it, get the word out there, and keep on talking! Well done

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