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A backpack of one’s own

9 Jun

“That’s mine!” I stated with some resignation mixed with frustration. Because once again, Maura nabbed something I bought for myself and claimed it as hers.

This is an ongoing problem. Maura doesn’t differentiate between the stuff that is hers, and the stuff she wants to be hers – to her, it should all be hers. I buy myself new shoes? She’s trying them on. I get a maxi skirt at Target? She’s wearing it before I’m done unloading the car. I spend three months searching for a good backpack for myself to haul my writing gear in because she took the last backpack I bought? She’s got it stuffed with tutus and on her back without me even realizing she’s taken it from the place I thought I had hidden away.

It’s not just my stuff. She gleans from everyone. Collin was missing his wallet. We started searching. I found Miriam’s wallet in one of Maura’s backpacks before finding Collin’s in another of Maura’s backpacks. Sean was missing keys on a lanyard. Maura had them. Josh didn’t even know when Maura nabbed $120 in cash from his bag. No, that one, I got an email from Maura’s teacher with “So Maura brought in a Dooney & Burke purse with $120 in it. I’ve locked it in a cabinet until you can come retrieve it.”

The purse came from the thrift shop. I’ve yet to use it because every time I turn around, it’s in Maura’s room.

It’s frustrating, and something that we’re still trying to teach her, to make her understand. Our stuff is our stuff, even if she wants it. Other people’s stuff is other people’s stuff, even if she wants it. Just because she wants it doesn’t mean she can claim it as her own.

But she doesn’t get this. Which is why, as Maura and I were leaving my friend’s house, I searched her backpack. And found two things that didn’t belong to Maura. Once home, I found two more things that belonged to my friend in Maura’s backpack. It was disappointing – because Maura choose to steal books when I know my friend has a fantastic jewelry collection. Luckily, this friend also has a fantastic sense of humor and applauded Maura in her choice of books (an art history book and “The Agony and the Ecstasy”).

It’s not easy though when you live with this every day. Every day, she’s swiping a sibling’s possession, sometimes one they need, like their wallet or their cell phone. Maura has two of her own wallets, but she wants her siblings. She wants to take Miriam’s sketchbook, even though I have given Maura her own notebooks. She wants my legal pad full of notes, even though she has her own legal pad. We can provide her with things, but she wants more, she wants the new stuff that comes in. She has little self-control over it at times.

Which is why, despite owning several backpacks of her own, Maura last night swiped my new backpack again. Even after I explained that it was mine, and she understood that explanation enough to be unhappy about it. I didn’t see her swipe my backpack, Josh found it tucked away in her room this morning. He quickly hid it while she was in the bathroom and made her choose one of her own backpacks.

I don’t know if this is a phase or not, but even if it is a phase, I am braced for the fact that it is a long-term phase. Maura goes through phases slowly, so this compulsion to take other people’s stuff? Could last years. Some days, I’m okay with that. Other days, it’s just really tiring.

But for now, I’m just going to stake this one claim on this one backpack I bought for myself.

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4 Responses to “A backpack of one’s own”

  1. Joy M Newcom June 9, 2017 at 2:43 pm #

    Dang, that’d be BEYOND frustrating. Sorry …

  2. cair75 June 10, 2017 at 9:42 am #

    This would be a really hard phase to live through. Wish I had a magic idea on how to solve it, but all I can suggest is wine…

  3. Catherine Fogle June 10, 2017 at 4:55 pm #

    Side note, along with the commiseration – that’s a really, really nice bag.

  4. 4963andypop June 11, 2017 at 5:12 am #

    This sounds very familiar. In my house we mostly have territorial battles over food. I have to hide anything i buy for myself or hope to keep till morning. But lately my son who does not drive and likely wont for a while started cruising through our main rooms dangling a set of keys. He also forgets where he puts stuff, so weve learned to not leave keys on counters. Also leaving out gadgets such as small pliers or gardening tools can be a problem since he looks upon them as fidget toys. You wonder too if they arent just “trying on for size” this whole adulthood thing. Youre not alone in this!

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