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She’s as crafty as the rest of us

23 Jul

Today, I bribed Maura into taking a shower by promising Starbuck’s. She prefers baths over showers, but I didn’t want to devote our whole morning into luring her out of said bath tub, so bribery it is.

Okay, selfish bribery because I like Starbuck’s too.

So we get all cleaned and groomed and brush our teeth and do our hair, and then she wanders to my room, comes back, and hands me my sandals.

Then shows me a receipt.

“Look! Starbuck’s!”

But it’s a Target receipt.

“That’s Target.” I say.

“Yes.” Maura agrees.

Realization dawns. “You want to go to Target…which has a Starbuck’s.”

“YES!” Maura replies happily.

“You just conned me into taking you to Target. Wow. You’re craftier than even I give you credit for.”

Collin, sitting by us, pipes in. “Well, she IS part of this family.”

Yes…yes she is…and we’re a shifty lot…

But since I abandoned Maura with her brother for three days while I went to a writer’s conference, I guess I shall indulge the girl. Even if she’s a bit shifty in her ways. It’ll be a sacrifice, going to Target AND Starbuck’s, but these are the lengths a Mom will go to ensure her child’s happiness.

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How to excel at social media

29 Jun

So you want to be a social media guru? Get that blog you’ve started out into the wider world of interwebs? Well, grab a cup of coffee and let’s get going!

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1 – Get online

2 – write brilliant post. make sure you’re interrupted at least 73 times while writing

3 – have crappy but expensive internet service that claims to be high speed randomly stop working

4 – curse, reset router, curse some more, sacrifice chicken, get internet working again, hit “publish” on blog post

4.5 – get interrupted because your magical finding powers are needed to find something

5 – realize that some of your social media connections aren’t right, so the post isn’t publishing where it should. Fix issue. Realize the fix didn’t take. Fix again. Realize again that the fix didn’t take.

6 – Choose to manually share to all your social media outlets.

6.5 – get interrupted again by family, forget to share places

7 – Share other people’s social media stuff. Only to find out that since changing your passwords three months ago, nothing is connected correctly and you have to enter the password to share other people’s stuff to your Twitter account.

7.5 – get interrupted for requests for juice, money, or input on something

8 – Get locked out of Twitter after X amount of failed attempts because you can’t remember what your new password is

8.5- wonder once again why writing down your passwords is considered bad

10 – realize your coffee’s gone cold and consider blogging about it. re-rea

11 – repeat steps 1-10, including getting so distracted that you don’t realize there’s no #9.

There! Now you’re using social media to its fullest!

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art credit – Mike Mitchell

 

The one where no one gets my name right…

22 Jun

Okay, with a name like Phoebe, I’m used to getting my name misheard, misread, and mispronounced. Saying my name over the phone is the worst – “Bebe? Stevie?”. If my name is spelled right on the Starbuck’s cup, there’s a one in ten chance that the barista will yell out “I have a tall latte for Fobe.”

Yeah.

I expect it. I brace for it. I sigh every time I have to give my name over the phone. “No, Phoebe, you know, like on “Friends”?”

“OH! PHOEBE! Do you sing Smelly Cat?”

“That’s not the point of the phone ca- actually, I could.”

One time, a guy called looking for “Foe-bee”. I said my name was pronounced Fee-bee – and he said “Oh! They have your name spelled wrong here.”

“Oh really? How is it spelled?”

“P-H-O-E-B-E.”

*sigh* “No. That’s the correct spelling. You’re just mispronouncing it.”

But there was one time in my life where the mispronunciation of my name crossed over to the absurd.

Imagine it, Sicily, 1918 – wait, wrong sitcom reference…

So when one of my kids was on a local soccer team, I was meeting other moms. Kim, Michelle, Jennifer – you know, other moms with regular names. Then there was one, who must have been very proud of usually being the one with the “different” name. Whose name had two legit pronunciations.

We’ll call her Anna.

I was introduced to Anna, and called her Anna, only to be corrected for using the A-like-ant sound.

“It’s AH-nnah, like Anna in “Frozen”. AH-nnah. Not Ann-a. AH-nnah.”

This wouldn’t have been bad, except the entire time she corrected me, she kept calling me “Foe-bee”.

As in…

“Now Foe-bee, people are always saying my name wrong. It’s AH-nnah Foe-bee, not Ann-a. Do you understand Foe-bee? AH-nnah.”

At one point, one of the moms I knew tried to correct AH-nnah. “Yeah FEE-BEE, It’s AH-nnah, not Annn-a.”

AH-nnah didn’t get it.

AH-nnah continued to call me Foe-bee for two more years. Always correcting me if I slipped and called her Ann-a. While sighing a little, as if it was such a burden to have to constantly correct people on her name’s pronunciation.

I won’t lie – it got a bit awkward. People tried correcting her but she’d always revert back to Foe-bee. We all sort of gave up trying to get her to say my name correctly. She was working too hard to make sure her own name was pronounced correctly to switch gears I guess. Who knows? But it only stopped when I moved.

I wonder if her job now is to teach Starbuck’s baristas how to write names on cups. Because it would all make sense.

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It’s both wrong AND right!

 

 

 

 

 

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