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Tag Archives: mother’s day

The obligatory Mother’s Day gift list

10 May

So in an attempt to be a Real Blogger, I follow a few other bloggers via Twitter. They’re all doing Mother’s Day lists, and I thought, well, why not?

Also…my daughter totally reads my blog, so this works in my favor too 😉

Okay, so you have a mom. Or you have a wife, and she is mom to your offspring. Mother’s Day is THIS Sunday in America. You have nothing to give this special woman in your life.

What do you do?

  1. For God’s sake, let the woman sleep in! Seriously. Let. Her. Sleep. In. You get up early, then sit in front of the door to play goalie when the offspring come bounding down the hall at 5:43 am, and grab them before she is woken. Stuff their adorable little faces with cereal as you plop them in front of the television for three hours, letting Mom sleep in.
  2. Does she have a favorite store? Great! Get her a gift card from said store. No, don’t you try to pick out fabric for her, unless she has given you the name of the print, the yardage she needs, and a photo of said print that you can confirm things with – get her a gift card and allow her to pick out what fabric she wants. No, don’t let the kids pick out a blouse at the store she shops at – this is how she ends up with something pink leopard print with a pussy bow that she’s forced to wear to school gatherings. Just get her a gift card, let her pick out her own clothes. She likes to read? Get her a gift card to the bookstore. No, don’t pick out a book for her. Definitely don’t get her “The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up” or you may find yourself Konmari-ed onto the curb. If she likes coffee, get her a gift card to her favorite coffee shop – if you must get a mug with “World’s Bestest Mom” on it, put the gift card in the mug.
  3. Figure out if she’s a plant or flower person, then buy appropriately. Does she like gardening? Plant. Do dandelions shrivel up when she walks by? A nice bouquet of flowers? Does she have seasonal allergies? They make cookie and fruit bouquets.
  4. Give her the gift of a clean house. Seriously. Clean the house for her. Let her sit with her World’s Bestest Mom mug and cookie bouquet and watch you clean. She may cry a little – that’s normal, and those are happy tears.
  5. Let her nap. I know, you let her sleep in, but this mom in your life hasn’t slept since giving birth. Let her nap as well. Maybe get her a hammock, then let her nap in said hammock.
  6. Think outside the box. Maybe your mom needs a Wonder Woman tee (I mean, who doesn’t?). Maybe the woman really wants a Kitchen Aide mixer. Maybe she’s been dying to paint her bedroom, but like everything else, she’s put that last on her list.
  7. Clean out the family vehicle without criticism. Yes, we know, it’s covered in crumbs and straw wrappers and God only  knows what dribbled into the cup holder to cause that sticky mess. Just get to it, make the kids help, while she sits in a lawn chair sipping on a wine slushie. We all know why the car is in that state <glances at kids>
  8. Let her nap again. Seriously. The woman is tired.
  9. Get her that spa day. We’re never going to take the time to get a massage, so force it on us.
  10. Just do something. Anything. We’ll appreciate it. Homemade card by kids? Love it. Dandelions picked by the 3 yr old? Adore. The other parent grilling burgers for dinner, forgetting all the burger toppings, and eating off napkins? It’s a meal we didn’t make so hooray! But first, just let us sleep in.

 

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Teenagers, ammirite?

9 May

So…I have that heard of teens and that one who dared to turn 21 this year. Which, in retrospect, is great, because I can send the 21 yr old on a wine run for me.

Never leaving the house for the win!

I love my teens. But I’m no fool. I know not to trust them with anything. I mean, if my grown siblings and I still can’t be trusted together, why should I trust my teens?

Case in point –

Sean (the second eldest, the spare to the heir) was blowing bubbles in the house the other night. Mainly to get the Zoey dog in a lather. Because Zoey is an idiot for bubbles and leaps about biting them all.

Collin (the heir to our kingdom) thought this was hilarious. And then thought “Why not drive the dog crazy by holding her?”

The dog was like “No sir! You will not keep me from killing every bubble!” and leapt from Collin’s arms to do so.

 

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Zoey chasing bubbles outside. See that crazy look on her face? Yeah.

 

I find out about all this as I walk in the next day with groceries. Because they’re blowing bubbles for the dog to attack. In the living room.

Then Collin produces a balloon. “I can’t believe we still have one left.”

See, Sean decided to cover someone’s bed in balloons on April 1st. Then the balloons were scattered over the living room. I don’t know who enjoyed it more – Maura or Zoey. Between the two of them, they eventually died.

Except one.

Which Zoey was now chasing between snapping at bubbles.

I, of course, ignore all this. Because this is what passes as normal in our house. As I walk away, I hear someone say the words “water balloon”.

“NOT IN THE HOUSE!” I yell back.

And the boys died laughing because they didn’t expect me to hear it.

Fools. My brother and I – as teenagers – had an epic water fight which ended in a truce (he with the hose at the gate, me with a super soaker pointed into the window of his brand new pick up truck) and then having to mop the kitchen floor (it wasn’t me who was using the sprayer from the sink.)

I’m a gypsy raised by wolves, who produced her own carnival. We invented shenanigans, dear offspring of mine. I know all, see all.

And remember, Mother’s Day is coming. Buy me something hard to break.

 

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